Fathers

'What makes a father a father?' and 'Do children need fathers?'

I'm not sure why there appears to be confusion around these questions, it's a little like asking 'Does a child need a mother?'

But then again is it?

You see, a mothers role is clear - right from the start.
But many fathers - appear to be lost - It's either they really don't know what their role is or they are feigning ignorance.

Either way - it's a sad state of affairs.

Apparently, Brixton has the highest number of single mothers in the country - and in certain areas there are second and third generation children growing up without fathers.

Where are these men?? -who are these men?? - they were there at conception!

What has transpired is that although some men are still with their girlfriends during pregnancy - once the baby's born they are no longer in the picture - ( possibly when they're needed most!!)

I speak to men about this on a regular basis, - and many of them are quick to blame the women. One stereotype is ' oh they just want to get a council flat - or some equally ridiculous statement

Some say they'd like to be involved with their children but don't have a job so can't afford to be
Others find it difficult to deal with being a father if the relationship with the mother has ended
Then there are some who just don't appear to care at all

There are those who believe that the benefits system facilitates the 'absent father syndrome', and that benefits should be cut for men who have children yet refuse to work.

To try and legislate in that way would be an absolute disaster - so let's hope that doesn't happen!!

Unfortunately - many of these men are unable to gain employment which pays them enough to get by - why? - lots of reasons... poor literacy - low skills - little or no previous work experience- criminal convictions to name a few - add to that the growing rates of depression among men and that hardly makes for a great CV, to present to employers - so there does appear to be a link between poverty and absent fathers.

Organisations such as St Michael's Project are doing a great job trying to engage fathers, but we need more. The stigma attached to adult males attending adult learning classes needs to be addressed, and increasingly it's being tackled in a variety of ways - including embedding literacy, numeracy and ICT into more vocational courses - talking to men - finding out what they need and encouraging and supporting them in attending classes

However...this is no excuse for not being there for your child - and the mother of your child.

Growing up - my father was ever present in my life. I went to him for everything - he took me all over the country to take part in athletics, let me play out when my mum said no and bought me my first ever electric guitar. He encouraged and supported everything I did, and took care of us all.

His strong values and sense of self meant that we were able to grow up feeling safe. More importantly - I was happy because my mother was happy.

As an adult - my father was still there for me - until - alas - he as there no more
I guess I was lucky

If it's true that there are people who prefer to remain apart as they may lose a paltry £30 a week in benefits then I would say perhaps they need to check their priorities.

You cannot put a price on a good father.

Single mothers are amazing - to do what they do every day - but then they have to!! - who else is there?? - yet still their love for their children outweighs the difficulties - and the joy that children bring is truly wonderful - children are a blessing

You cannot force anyone to care - you cannot force a man to take responsibility and be a father. Some have no idea how to be a father - maybe their own childhood was a difficult one - who knows!!... But I do feel that women may hold the answer. When meeting or dating a man who has children that he doesn't take care of - ask a few questions. If he doesn't care for them - will he care for you? will he care for your children? Is he a 'keeper' - or a 'retreater'

Perhaps if more men realised that being a good father - or a potential good father was of the utmost importance for women - something that women admired - those who need to improve may just begin to do so!

Perhaps we make it too easy for them to do nothing

Let's not kid ourselves that we can airbrush men into oblivion... it might work in OK magazine but let's be real...they still run the country!! take a look at our Board Rooms - Businesses - Banks

Yet - the role of a father is possibly the most important role a man will ever have

To all great fathers - thank you
to those not quite there - keep trying...get to know your child's favourite book...read it..spend time together... just .. be

Whether you live with your children or not - be a positive influence in their lives
Don't get me wrong women can do it - and do it well - but...

Who doesn't love a great father??