Need a favour??

If it's true that the difficulties we face in life, the obstacles we have to overcome strengthen us, and teach us valuable lessons, then when we assist someone in difficulty are we really helping them at all??

Many times we feel that when someone comes to us with a problem the way to deal with it is to offer a solution, put a stop to their suffering as soon as we can and direct them to the path we feel would be best for them. Yet quite often when we do this it can be met with disdain, very quickly you can become an object for their resentment, fear , anger, and in their eyes the very reason for their suffering in the first place. ( untrue as it may be it may remain their perception anyway )

We assume ( quite rightly I think) that when someone says they're unhappy about something, they really are unhappy. But yet, given the opportunity to free themselves from a situation which according to them is causing them constant emotional, or sometimes physical pain, they remain stuck - reluctant to do anything at all!!

Why is this?

Is it that they're not being honest with us? or are they not being honest with themselves?

Or do they know something we don't?
Maybe we're overlooking a very important factor - that is the feeling of accomplishment when one has succeeded against the odds.

If I reflect on my own life for a minute - as difficult - and as painful some things have been in the past - right now - right here - I wouldn't change a thing - why? because I learnt lessons that will remain with me forever, and I know I'm a better person for it.
For example crying over some guy ( who in all honesty, would never have been good for me anyway, and ironically I wouldn't even want to be with now ) has given me an ability to experience what I consider to be real love.
You have to cry sometime, have to feel joy and everything else that comes with it.

That's just one aspect.
There are those who complain about never being heard, or being taken seriously, yet when asked a question or given a chance to say how they really feel - remain silent - or speak only to tell a joke.

We feel for people who are disadvantaged in life and want to help them, key question is -
do they want to be helped?? - and even more importantly by you?? and if not you - who??

I think I'm beginning to be able to spot the difference. It's not what someone says, or even complains about in and around corners - it's what they do... their actions

There's a well know quote ( can't remember who by but feel free to check)

Watch your thoughts they become words
Watch your words they become your actions
Watch your actions for they become they habits
Watch your habits for they become your character
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny

I'm not suggesting that we no longer help each other.. absolutely not, we need more - as we're not exactly falling over ourselves to help as it it!!
but we do need to recapture the notion of personal responsibility also, as even helping others can get you into a fix


I will be trying very hard to ensure my words and actions are congruent
feel free to tell me off if otherwise!!