I mentioned in my recent post 'the hopeless romantic' that one of my oldest friends brought me two books to read.
I'm really glad she did
I finished reading one today, thoroughly enjoyed it, have learnt a great deal from doing so, and I want to share a few excepts.. with you.
The book presents a range of relationship scenarios and case studies, many of which I have been able to relate to.. in some way.
What I like about it, is the practical tools on offer.. things you can apply to your own life today.
It's deeply profound insightful and spiritual.
‘Developing your spirituality no matter what your religious orientation basically means letting go of self will, of the determination to make things happen the way you think they should. Instead, you must accept the fact that you may not know what is best in a given situation either for yourself or another person. There may be outcomes and solutions that you have never considered, or perhaps the ones you most feared and tried the hardest to forestall may be exactly what is necessary in order for things to begin to improve.’
Self will means believing that you alone have all the answers. Letting go of self will means becoming willing to hold still, be open and wait for guidance for yourself. It means learning to let go of fear (of all the what ifs)
It speaks of managing and controlling in relationships. How the constant need to fix , help , or even praise the person in your life in order to boost their esteem are all forms of manipulation.
They are in many ways ‘tools’ to get another to do what you would like.
And when they do...you will be happy... or at least.. that may be what you believe.
It advises learning to 'do and say nothing'.
Allowing the other person to find their own way, as you are finding yours
It is written that 'Most of the insanity and despair we experience comes from trying to manage and control what you cannot...and 'being helpful'... is an ego trip'
It also speaks of the roles we play. The victim, the hero, the organiser, the fixer, vixen,healer,protector,provider... the interchangeable positions of pursuer and distancer ... often used as ways of avoiding true intimacy.
It's not a judgmental book by any means. it's actually one of the most loving books I've read in a while.
It's presented in a way that speaks to you .. on a very personal level
Self love and self acceptance, are the overriding themes of this book.. and how to achieve that ( by working on, and developing yourself)
It's not saying you cannot love or care for another.. rather when you do love, you love not from fear.. but you love from your true essence, and what is loved... is the true essence of you