Today I'm feeling personal.
So this post is personal.
Not for any other reason other than it sometimes helps to write things down. Sometimes....
I'm not sure where to begin because I have a lot of thoughts 'running' through my mind and each one stokes the fire of an emotion
hey... you know I care about you, you're no hostage.. so if emotion turns you off....feel free to leave the building
It's inarticulate perhaps.. but here it is...
A girl friend of mine called me needy the other day, and I then remembered being called that about 2 years ago ( by some arse)
I found it funny the other day, but It did make me wonder..
okay, twice..? that's not an accident
So let me explore this ... needy-thing.
A few years back I was insulted by it, because it was meant as an insult.
The other day I wasn't insulted at all( partly because she was joking) but, fact is... I've decided to embrace it
So to all the haters out there...f**k yeah.. I'm needy.
Do sup'hum'.. or do one.
I do have needs, and I want them to be met. Some needs, have to be met quite frankly otherwise, I would die... and lets be honest.. so would you
So lets keep it real when we're talking about needs
anyone who says they don't have needs is a liar.
( or at the very least has an aversion to the truth.. is that more polite?.. sure... I'll use that then)
I have a need to be respected, and to be treated 'right'. In fact, in each area of my life I can list the required needs, which, if met, enable me to have a fulfilling life experience.
Here are some examples..
In work.. I need to be paid. ( money)
In my relationships I need to be shown affection etc
In all my relationships (platonic or sexual) I need honesty
At home, I need my space to be tidy
If I want to look half-way-decent, I need my clothes to fit
Which human being on gods green earth doesn't have needs?
We are all ...in our diverse ways.... needy.
I think what they could have called me more accurately perhaps is insecure.
To say someone is insecure is less insulting, and when you peel back the layers of our behavioural patterns.. much of it will stem from how secure or insecure we feel at any given moment.
and believe me.. it's a sliding scale
noone is always insecure and no one is always secure.
There are some things that will trigger insecurity in me. Yes, sometimes... I may feel insecure.
I like to think that I have enough integrity to do, think, and say things that I honesty believe in, and not just because it may please someone, or I hope to impress someone.
That's when and where I'm most secure I think.. in my identity... personhood.
Now to possibly contradict much of the above, I'm missing Mr K very much at the mo.
Which is probably what all this crap is really about.
Ebola has made it a bit difficult to travel for some
I'm finding the distance a bit tough at the moment. It's only a matter of time, and not long to wait in reality, but it's how I feel.
In fact, I'm quite upset
I'm not sleeping very well again ( and now there's a big bitch fox in my garden)
On being emotional
In my bed this morning I thought that I've become more emotional as I've gotten older. But then after giving it some real thought I realized that is not the case. I pretty much cried all through my twenties and early 30's on and off. I cried through every shit relationship I've ever had. They didn't begin that way.. but when the lying , cheating and disrespect made an appearance, I cried if not every day, every week. until I broke free.
I battled on through those tears anyway. It's what I do.
The hardest wars to deal with often times.. are the wars within your own four walls. True.
Now some may see being emotional as a weakness.
I say it's a blessing and a curse.
Being emotional simply means that you are often highly connected with or to the spiritual vibrations of others. It's about being empathetic. ( that's the positive version)
( the negative version is when an individual uses their heightened state of emotion or connectivity to manipulate others or situations to get what they want.. even if it's just attention)
There are two sides to everything.
On that happy note... in the poorest countries in the world...who would really want to be an opposition politician these days. Things just get worse and worse [click]
Okay.. well , the sun is shining, the (yucky) fox has left my garden, and I'm now going to now cheer up and have breakfast. After all.. I need to look after myself.. right?