Captains log : Stardate 21st November 2012

Not sure where to begin with this post.
Those of who who have read my blog long enough will know that a captains log is usually a little more personalised or thoughtful in nature.. so feel free to skip.. some mushy girly stuff.

As I awoke today and began to get ready many thoughts began to flow though and around my mind. Some pleasant, some not so pleasant. Mostly there were questions... the likes of which rarely provide an answer. I wondered about the meaning of things. How the easy can easily become the difficult. I realise that you can’t pour new wine into old bottles so to speak. That with so many souls on the planet operating at different vibrations it can seem isolating when not being able to find those similar souls. Yet again sometimes we do.. but its rare.

One of the reasons I enjoy writing this blog is because it‘s a little like keeping a diary, watching my own life timeline unfold, sharing my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about anything. There are things I don’t talk about though. Often not for any particular reason.. but sometimes because I have no idea who’s reading this stuff.. well some I know.. but by far not all. I tend not to talk about Israel or Gaza (it's coming though).. I also tend not to talk about sex much... I'm not saying I would never, sure as the sun may shine I may...but some things are a little more sacred to me I guess.. ( ( extra I know.. I mean private) . and I sway not to the gratuitous, and depends on the vibe.
Still.. Ultimately this blog is freedom to be.. Freedom to say.. Freedom to think
My own feelings today are a mixture of... can’t articulate fully but possibly sadness, frustration, and isolation. You know those days where you could do with a hug, wallow a bit, feel loved up a bit. ( I definitely have some female Libran qualities) .
There are times I love silence...other times I like company.. like to talk, and equally to listen, yet conversations tend to scratch the surface at times, other times... it’s just not possible.

I wondered about love and manipulation. Wondered if there are unspoken contracts/agreements that say, if you do x, y or z, then I will love you, if not... I will not. Wondered why the unquantifiable is often quantified, and the unquestionable questioned.
I realise that maybe it’s because many people just don’t know... and each will create love in their image, and can only ‘know’ , to the depths in which they exist in the moment, are willing to feel, and truly allow themselves to be vulnerable with another, and honest with themselves. Our busy lives rarely accommodate such depth of thought or being, unless we make the effort, yet also it takes courage, as often judgement is the reward.

Yes sometimes I do feel like sod it, can’t be asked. Those who have eyes to see will see.
I also thought about the purpose of thought itself.
Sometimes it's nice to chill, relax, do nothing.
Whatever.
I'm happy being a girl