Sunday, 7 September 2014

Two years on and I realize..I learned nothing from that..

Spent some time with my big sister today, which was nice.
My nephew was telling me about my sign - Libra, which was all very interesting.

He also said that when people come into your life they do so for a reason. He said that when relationships don't work out they often teach you something.
This.. jarred me a little.
2 years ago I had one such relationship, and it turned out to be one of the worst experiences of my life. It has taken me a very long time to be rid of its effects, and even now, I find I have a tendency to be a little anxious about my relationships. I went from being very secure to extremely insecure in a relatively short space of time. I felt as though my mind was being manipulated for reasons I know not of, that I was involved in some weird game of which I didn't know the rules.. in short, there were many lies involved, and it was hell.. truly awful.

So... what could I have possibly gained from that experience?.
I don't think I gained anything, but my nephew thinks I learned never to make that mistake again.
Maybe. But because it's taken me so long to re-gain my confidence, and because I now have a tendency to insecurity, ( which I have to battle every other day) I don't think it's balanced very well.

I hate that I've had to build myself back up again, but I'm grateful that I've been able to.
I learned nothing from that experience, but I'm glad it's behind me.

We all have a past and often it's best not to bring old wounds in to the present to spoil your future
So okay.. maybe I've learned.. that

But I'll never send a thank you card.


  1. Maybe the lesson was that you deserve better.

    I dated a guy many years ago now. The lesson? Pay attention to your gut. Pay attention to the red flags. They are there for a reason.

    1. that's good advice Birdie thanks,
      I wonder if a red flag to me was like a red flag to a bull.. charging head first at it. To be fair, they were there.. and i chose to ignore them. Thought they would change to amber then green.
      .. on the upside, as fate would have it..i'm glad it didn't work out
      guess there's there's always a reason

  2. "I hate that I've had to build myself back up again, but I'm grateful that I've been able to" - WOW...that line says it all. I'm impressed with your introspection.

    1. feels kinda weird to say thank you ( but i do) but what I can say is that sometimes I need to check in with myself.. ( as I'm sure we all do in our own way)

  3. I agree with you nephew. Who knows why that person was in your life. Maybe it was to help you realize that you deserve better. Maybe the next time someone enters your life who has those character flaws, you will notice them early and kick them to the curb. Perhaps that person will be more difficult to get rid of if you don't recognize the signs.
    OR, like I sometimes think. he probably needed you in his life to get him to realize he had a good thing going on and he messed it up and maybe inspire him to become a better person for that person he's supposed to end up with.

    It's all so very intricate, the reason people enter or leave our lives. It could be to help us, or to help them.

    1. True.. I agree with you..
      thanks for your thoughful insight