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Monday, 5 May 2014

Crap

Oh man.. :-(
These are the times when I kinda hate being a single mum
love being a mum.. but being a single parent can be hard at times
absolutely everything, is on you.. every decision, everything ..falls on you, no back up or anything.

What am I going on about?

Okay, well today, Ti took the baby cat to his new owner... and I've felt bad all day
Now he's back he's really quiet, although he says he's fine. I know Ti.. he misses the baby cat, and I guess I do abit too..

But what else could I do?
I know that Ti has a lot on his plate with Uni, and needs to focus, and I'm very busy myself right now, as is Ij..so there's no one.. blah blah blah

Now I'm wondering if I'm making excuses.
Bottom line is it's done, and a little girl is extremely happy.. which is a good thing.
I'm just struggling with my own guilt, own sense of loss, questions about whether I've done the right thing, with only a mirror to consult
.. and that's.. the reality of it..
No buffer, no support, no additional anything
I feel quite crappy about it all today ( I clearly underestimated how attached to an animal you can become in 2 days..)
So I may have messed up.

.. As a single parent, all that you do, are, and all that you have.. has to go that little bit further.. without, what is sometimes overlooked in favour of the financial, .. emotional support, or just an additional perspective.
You feel there is no one to catch you if you fall, and if you make a mistake.. it impacts, way harder.
True.
..but what can I do..
..I'll feel better tomorrow.

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