Early Sundays

Up around 6am today. Kinda early for a Sunday unless you're working. I felt quite restless with things on my mind, besides, I've got a few journals to flick though.

I'm not tired necessarily but I do feel a little weary ( if that makes sense).. a little blue, which outside of pink and orange happens to be one of my favourite colours.

Why do we complicate things at times?.
It was mentioned in the week that I appear slightly idealistic.
Maybe, but I'm also a realist.

I gave it some thought anyway and now think perhaps the person was right. Yet that shouldn't be a problem right?.

Who wouldn't want the ideal, the best , joy, happiness, contentment, understanding,love blah blah.. when did we stop even trying?.
When did we decide that life is kinda shit, and as it's shit for most people, it means that really is the norm... the way it should be, so accept it and stop dreaming?

I can't do that.
At least I don't want to do that
Perhaps that's why I'm weary.

But some people do have lives like that, so why is it that it's okay for others... yet not okay for me..?
What's different about me?.. somebody tell me..
Am I not deserving too?
Is there a particular mould that I'm supposed to fit, that would make others happy/er?.

Enough already. Enough.
My idealism I'm sure has benefited others over the years. I've tried to support others, be a help not a hindrance, encourage and assist... share a little hope.
But it can be tiring sometimes.