I have a dilemma.
I had my first class tonight, but struggled a little to connect with the subject matter.
My readings prior to class which I completed, looked at the history of homosexuality in Britain, with stories of 18c brigadiers, rent boys, and Mollys.
The journal articles I found very interesting. They mapped out a very different London to the one I’m accustomed to... memoirs, court cases, scandals etc. A lot of information which explored the ways class and sexuality intersected, not forgetting the historical backdrop to this setting.
All good stuff..
I didn't really feel a connection, or passion for the topic. I'm not intrigued or curious about men having sex with men or women with women... It's just sex, and no big deal really. I wondered.. what I would write about?.
Do I have a voice in this area?
I personally feel that I write best when I have a passion for the topic, I feel I am able to write with more authenticity, more authority..agency.
My dilemma is...
It was only class one.
If I switch options I’d need to do it very fast... like now
However, there are aspects of the subject matter that interests me greatly .. which is why I chose it. I am interested in the ways in which society.. rather the ways that we, socially construct/create gendered bodies. The ways in which my own identity as a woman, impacts on my life.. influences my decisions perhaps, or influences the behaviour of others towards me.
Like race.. class.. or culture..gender is everywhere
Foucault keeps cropping up, and whilst I'm keen to tackle his theories on power... I'm less interested in his views on sexuality.
I'm not sure why
I chose gender to complement elements of my dissertation...
Yet I’m not sure how much of it I will use
My lecturer is very engaging... absolutely great.. so he's able to elicit thoughts, and stoke the imagination
As I sat in class tonight, I questioned many things.
Was I sure I wasn't being homophobic... I asked that question honestly…and the answer was no
Was I running away from engaging with Foucault? hmmm I don’t think so..
I need to discuss with my course administrator
Tonight as I left I felt a little torn...
I just need to clear my mind...
It’s my last option module.. so it means a lot
I'll sort it tomorrow
If when I wake up tomorrow i feel it.. that thing I feel that moves me..then that's all I need
I know it will increase my understanding no doubt ..and it's possible that i'm just a little tierd
I'll sleep on it
I need to apply logic