Sunday, 22 May 2011
Managing expectations in a relationship..
Hi all - well this weekend has been nice - not quite the heatwave I was expecting but I'm not too dissapointed!! I have things to do indoors to keep me busy - and if the sun does come out I'll be ready to enjoy it.. which leads me on to todays Soulmate Sunday post which is all about.. managing expectations...
On any given week - how often does your other half annoy you. Think back to past relationships.. did your partners failure to meet your expectations upset you?
Hopefully - it's not too often - or even better not at all - but at some point.. it may happen.. you may feel let down
One sure way of upsetting yourself is to have an expectation that either the other person knows nothing of – or for any number of reasons - may be unable to fulfill.
When I talk about managing expectations I’m not implying for one moment that you should lower your standards (if that’s important to you) what I’m referring to is the importance and emotional attachment we place on our other half doing something - or being something – so much so that if they fail to reach our expectation it could mean the demise of the relationship (at worst) or a very frosty and argumentative time (at best)
So here are a few tips to get you thinking...
1. Make sure the other person is aware of what you are expecting in the 1st place. If it’s that you expect them to do the shopping then don’t just imply it by saying things like... ‘oohh we’ve got no food in the house!’... You may actually have to say – ‘Will you do the shopping’ – or ‘We can do the shopping together if you like - then take it from there.
2. Baby steps – sometimes people want to meet your expectations but it’s so far out of what they usually do that it may take awhile for them to get there. Recognise the efforts they are making to make you happy - and appreciate that they're trying
3. *It's been said that to have a great relationship you should throw expectations out of the window and love unconditionally – but it’s difficult. What I would say is give it a try. For one week – just love that person. Don’t expect anything from them and live in the certainty that the only person you can control (if you’re lucky) is you. I have a feeling the other person may have an overwhelming desire to be with you. Tell me how you get on.
4. Remember they won’t get it right every time – it’s okay to be disappointed for a while but you’ll feel much better much quicker if you just let it go
5. Work with what you’ve got. You chose your other half for a reason. Why then would you ever want them to be someone else? If you expect them to act in a way that would mean a total personality/character overhaul that’s not fair - and may mean they’re just not right for you.
6. Focus less on what they can't do – make them feel a million dollars for having a special ability ( whatever it is)
7. Stop expecting them to make you happy. Only you can do that.
8. Managing expectations can be really difficult – but it’s okay to talk about that. If you find yourself entering the nagging zone (women and men) that is an opportunity for self growth.
9. To be fair - you may want to say something like – is there anything you expect – or would like more of from me?.. anything you would like me to do?
10. If the other person is always letting you down you may need to refocus your energy elsewhere. Minimize its importance – unless it becomes clear that it’s because they no longer care for you. If so - it may be time to call time on the relationship
* If memory serves me correct I think I read this years back in a book called Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch - Great read. I recommend it. In fact I may read again for fresh insight.