Shhh... Don’t tell the kids...
In many ways this post is more of a question really...
A case study..
How much should parents tell their children? For example, should a woman ever tell her children that their father is, or was, a loser, a waste of space, a bastard and a womaniser?... or should she not?. Deciding instead to allow them to believe the best of their father and have his image and reputation in their minds ( at least) remain intact... after all... who wants to hear that, right?... the kids are bound to feel terrible... they are a part of their father..
Same applies to men...
Should a father ever tell his children, their mother was a slut and a cow?...and he couldn’t possibly have stayed even if he wanted to?... or not?... again preferring instead to leave the image of the mother intact... in the children’s eyes at least...
( I’ve witnessed some women slag off their exes brutally in front of the kids and it’s an uneasy thing to see, and hear..often the kids are still young .. but they can hear )
Others, however... think the children should be told....believing that they shouldn't be fed a pipe dream, and that if they know the truth, they’ll be better equipped to deal with life... and to manage the relationship with said parent)
What about sex?...
How much is too much?. Does it need to be discussed in a major way, or should children be allowed to explore and ‘discover’ like their generations before them?...
After all... intimate knowledge of the act of sex ( which they tend to pick up from school and TV shows) will not make them good lovers, or even capable of dealing with the emotions which accompany sex and love.
Should parents stop ‘making out’ (no pun intended) that they don’t ‘do it’ and relax and allow their children to witness physical expressions of love... (Kissing and cuddling people not the whole bloomin' shebang) so that when the children mature.. they are then more able to recreate that pattern in their own lives...
As parents we seem to talk a lot... I wonder though if we’re talking about the right things...
Don’t get me started on the older generation... they love to talk about funerals and illnesses, but ask them who your grandparents or uncles were and they clam up WTF... give you the edited version of your own blasted history every time...
It's been a day
Hug someone.. happy SMSx
I think as a parent one shouldn't pussy foot around with information, yet in saying that you need to gauge your child well before unleashing info onto them. Depends on the age as well I think it's important to let your child know exactly what role each parent plays within the family unit. Some kids instinctively pick things up fast others need a little bit of coaching.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important that the type of information you give your child doesn't poison their mind against their mother or father no matter how AWFUL they may be. No matter how bad the person was I think you have to hold back on some of the toxic information. Let that child/children form their own judgement they will thank you for it later.
I had certain issues with my ex, lateness in doing almost everything used to rile me up. Low and behold that has not changed, he does it to his daughter but as a parent I don't get involved they resolve those issues between themselves and it works!!!
Slanging matches and name calling in front of the kids, worst form of emotional torture anyone can put a child through. Best to avoid at all cost if possible if you really need a good slanging match do it when the kids are asleep or not in the house no need for extra mental drain on children. Carry on that way and they most certainly relate to that as NORMAL behaviour as they grow up!!
I think it's healthy for parents to show emotions in front of the children obviously curb how far you go.
Again sex talk will be dependent on age as well. Today my 7year old daughter asked me how do babies get into the tummy. I looked at her and gave no answer. It's not relevant for her right now so I rather give no answer than tell her the WRONG things. A 12 year old come with that question and they will get a full throttle of the ins and outs. My only advice PROTECT yourself at all times and explore choices of contraception. I would rather we do the home work together than their friend advice them.
OK if I carry on this is gonna turn into an effing post so better stop whilst am ahead LOL...:)))
lol.. good points you made here..
ReplyDeleteAnother side to a point you made is... (I'll use myself as an example)I never ever saw or heard my parents argue. not once!.
So... in relationships i really didn't know how to deal with an argument.. to resolve a conflict... all I felt, or 'knew' was ... this man must hate me... so i'm off... the end.
Even now I don't really do the arument thing.. but i'm getting the hang of it lol!!
seriously... what my parents unwittingly gave me.. was perhaps a skewed and slightly idealistic view of relationships...
or maybe that's how things should be.. with the right person
In fact.. i'm going to ask my mum today.. "how is it that you and dad never argued?"...see what I get back ... huh.. probably a curt.. "why?.. what you want to know for?.. Dawna nosey blah blah blah blah :))or maybe not...
mums much more obliging these days:)...
ok troops... i'm going in..............
LOL hope you have backup hehe....good luck
ReplyDelete