Time to analyse my mood... a bit...

My home is okay but it’s not the best
There’s work to be done and either I lack the time or the funds to do what I need to do
My garden’s a mess... again
Although it wont take me long to transform it.. I can’t seem to keep it alive throughout the winter. Everything dies in the winter. Including me.
I have a dissertation to write which I really thought I would have finished by now.. it’s cool... it's not due till June but still

I feel misunderstood most of the time, and I’m not sure if it’s because I want to be or if it’s the choice that others make deliberately.. blindly
I still get lonely from time to time (but oddly enough only if I desire company)
Which means the cure for loneliness is not to desire company ,but purely to desire ones own company
I can be very hard on myself and judge myself harshly.. which may mean I do the same to others ( sorry if I do)
The weather doesn't make me feel pretty at all
So my vanity is feeling neglected...
I feel as though I’m climbing out of something.. very dark...like a well.. but the walls of the well are covered with slime, and barnacles are wrapped around my legs pulling me back and I need a knife to cut them from me. But I don’t have a knife. The knife is at the entrance or top of the well but it belongs to someone else and they wont let me have it.
Bastard...
Random...
I know that to focus on what you don’t have tends to heighten feelings of lack. Overshadowing what you do have.. blinding you to the truth.. eating away at your self esteem .. your joy, like a bloodthirsty leech. When really... there's nowt wrong with you

There's a part of me that almost wants to blame someone else... but... I think I'm upset with myself for getting upset..because I hate getting upset...
Why?...It's upsetting :))

Have a nice day x