Saturday, 24 March 2012

Other peoples battles...

I was in a really bad relationship once... and I mean, really bad.
Looking back it was a bit of a horror story but at the time, as young and naive as I was, I didn’t fully comprehend the warning signs, or understand what was going on. I quickly found out that it was 'bad' for me to be smart, look too nice... have a talent, or to say too much.
I noticed slowly but surely my world getting smaller and smaller, and friendships outside of the home were frowned upon, and my family not welcome.
I slowly began to realise the controlling nature of the relationship, and that the person was extremely insecure... which was a trigger for many other negative emotions, and ways of being.
I though I would lose my life in that relationship... either literally, or I would end up inside.
One of us...I honestly thought... would die.

It became a violent relationship, and I quickly realised that the 'worst' thing one can do in that situation often, is to fight back, as the violence increases in intensity and frequency.
Better to walk away.
I didn’t tell anyone, for the longest time... in fact... i'm not sure I ever did.
Most people knew though... as it used to spill out into the street in front of neighbours (anyone really)... and I quickly learnt that embarrassment is another tool often used by one, to control another.

My dad.
My dad helped me, and the rest of my family to be fair.
then, one night,it happened, I was ready.
At around four in the morning I packed a bag, picked up my child and walked the two miles to my brother’s house.
Then I was free... ish
It took the police, the courts, and an incident with my father to all come to pass, hostels and temporary accommodation, before finding a place and getting a job before it was all consigned to history... and a lesson learnt.

I must have frustrated the hell out of people around me. Most could not understand how I, of all people, would even be in that situation, let alone remain in it.
They couldn't fight my battle. I had to fight it
When I finally found the courage, I had an army of people there to support me... how could I not have seen it before?
Because abuse is like that.
It messes with your mind. It makes you think you can’t cope if you walk away.
it makes you afraid of the consequences if you do.
All is well now though as that was many years ago. I get along well with my ex, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me should I require it.
It's possible that had I not have made that break, I would not be able to enjoy my life as I do today... and oddly enough... perhaps... neither would he
It could have all been very different.

I don’t know why I wrote this.
I sat down to write something entirely different... then... out it came
Enjoy your Saturday


  1. I once had a fight in a relationship. police called, threats of arrest and i found myself sitting in an empty park on christmas day, smoking a joint, wondering how it all came to this. I thought about that incident early hours this morning hence my short post and yours resonates.

    its a sunny day D, let its rays purge the bad memories. as bad as it was you came out the other side.

  2. Yeah defo

    Funny how some things just pop into you head...
    It is a beautiful day.. enjoy yours

  3. I'm 47 years old and I've never hit a woman and I won't ever hit one.

    When we have time to think, we tend to reflect on the extremes, both good and bad. That killer sexual encounter or that really fucked up thing that happened.

    Try and think good thoughts my friend.