Sunday, 11 March 2012

Solitude Sunday..x

I live quite a solitary life
I have people around me often, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t live a life of solitude.
I do.
Most nights (not all) I am alone
To break things up I may check out something on the Internet or read
But in terms of sharing that experience real time with another human being... It quite low down on the scale. It’s improving ( more of that later) ... but it’s still low.
Most people don’t know that.
Most people don’t know me.

I suspect many people feel as I do...alone... but maybe they just don’t say it out loud.
Then there are others who wont allow it.. fill their time with all sorts to avoid it... solitude that it.
How much can anyone of us truly know another person anyway... really?
We know parts of them...but not all.
We cannot even be sure what they tell us about themselves is true. Often, people tell you things they feel you want to hear. Or to steer you away from the truth... the truth of who they are... or what they feel... maybe that truth scares them... is unpleasant ... makes them unhappy... or maybe they just simply haven’t yet gotten to grips with it themselves...yet.

I went out not that long ago and met up with a few people I hadn’t seen in awhile. They all knew me as something else.
Some knew me as a writer. (I have some stuff published.. not much)
One knew me as that girl from the band ( yeah I had a band)
Another that singer
Others that community worker
None... really knew me at all.

I think my solitude is god given. Why? I’m not sure yet.
Maybe ‘god’ has a role for me. Maybe I needed to learn a thing or two.
I’m glad I’m not surrounded by people... you can lose yourself. (In the past I have lost myself) But there are times when it makes me sad.
It makes me sad because all the smart funny things I have to say on a daily basis (yeah I said it... dai-ly lol....trust me... I get some real inspiration) are wasted. On the days that I’m at my best and most beautiful... again... wasted...
Thoughts and ideas I have of any given subject.. the passion I feel .... again...toilet
So, there are times when I pray.. “Dear god.. make me a thoughtless feeling less girl today... remove from me that which causes pain, and replace it with a desire to cruise through life without a care or concern and no interest in humanity.. purely an interest in consumption, the purchase of material goods and to acquire economic standing in society. Remove from my persons any knowledge I have of anything outside of that... as it has proven to cause upset, and the benefits are few and far between”

'God' messed up.

The person in my life right now is getting to know me... a little...perhaps. But in truth I think you can only really appreciate the art of ...the benefits of.... and can only really get to know another... as much as you know yourself.
You can’t always see... what you don’t know.
So... there are things I will say that he cannot quite get. Possibly won’t believe... as he just can’t see it..either that or refuses to.
Most times though; we seem to be cut from the same cloth and he gets me completely and vice versa
Yet ...there are times when I think all he really sees... and knows... is how cute I am ... (attractive) and that I’m quite nice to look at... yes physically... quite hot.
(I think it depends on his mood.. and whether or not he’s being an ass)
(I think it depends on mine.. and how easy I am to wind up)
I think he sometimes says things.. purely to get a reaction.
I react.
Whoop de do.... I want to say... A+ for me
That’s my outer shell. It’s not ... all that I am
I like spending time with him
We are like one person

Truth is...yes... it’s nice to be appreciated for those things... (especially when you’re feeling low) but you and I both know that one day those things will fade.
Also... if the guys you have met over time only ever saw that... believe me ... it can have the opposite effect. In fact... it can make a girl feel mad sad and bad... and then... solitude beckons.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. I know... I dont take that stuff seriously... for me.. it’s all encompassing... I struggle to separate the inner from the outer... it’s the package... or nothing at all.
Not everyone is into that kind of... ‘get to know another deep down’ kind of thing, I know... but if you’re a complex person... it’s great to find another who understands, and enjoys complexity. More often than not what may appear complex is actually very simple indeed.
(I think the bible speaks of two people being equally yolked for a reason)...

Either that ... or just appreciate a persons uniqueness... and love them for that... you don’t necessarily have to get it completely... but trust it is real.. that they are real

We live in an age where technology is king and the art of the conversation is lost. Having a meaningful conversation is time consuming and many prefer short bursts... nothing 2 taxin on da brain... nothing too emotional... nothing too real..
I want more than that... I feel more than that

But no man is an island
Happy SMSx

Two rabbits went into a rabbit hole.
One said to the other... “Man it’s boring in here.. it’s cold.. I’m tired.. I’m hungry... and there are no other rabbits to talk too”
The other rabbit said... “Women!!... you all love to talk.... come on baby...you know what they say about rabbits don’t you?”...
“Oooh yes!!”...she said...
So she cooked him and served him up with roast veg and a glass of Merlot

See... told ya....jokes...:)x