I bumped into an old friend on my way home.
I asked how she was and could have been listening to myself. She articulated how ive been feeling of late to a T.. and had her own unique experiences to add to the mix
Anyway, as she spoke I said.. 'wow.. that's just how i've been feeling.. I just couldn't explain it..'
She said.. 'you don't have to explain.. I know..'
Whilst there are differences between us .. all roads seem to lead to the same place
She said it's not introversion rather a period of introspection
She talked about feeling tired. She talked about how hard she's worked raising her children all these years on her own. Said she felt emotionally drained, but realized that she had very little awareness 'back then' despite believing so at the time. She said that her parents ( Caribbean ) showed thier love in very practical ways. Eat well, dress well go to school etc, but rarely cuddled or expressed thier love verbally. So, she said.. she'd seek that demonstrative love elsewhere... finding it in all the 'wrong places'
She spoke about having to reassert her sense of self, and identity to her children. She has had enough.. Enough of talking and not being heard, Enough of not being cared for, listened to, appreciated, noticed, supported..
She said she's just tired.. emotionally.
Yet spiritually.. I'd say.. she's on point..
She's not just a mum.. she is who is..
I said to her.. hey.. I'm always looking for love..even when I have it.. and laughed
She said.. 'what you're looking for is in you..'
She is way more articulate than I. As I left her I looked up at the sky for some reason, and noticed the moon
But I know what's in me.. I thought... I'm in no doubt of that..
It's possibly the only thing I'm sure of.