Sunday 17 June 2018

Time Will Tell

So my mum was taken to hospital, and on reflection of my conversation with the doctor, it doesn't seem as if she will be returning home.

I was presented with the task of telling the others, which I cant say I will do. What do I say?
The words they used were, the beginning of the end... and asked if I understood.
Yes, I understand.
How does anyone really prepare for losing anyone other than to become numb to it, and let it pass.
My sister, ever the optimist told me that there have been many times a bleak prognosis is given and the person involved goes on to beat the odds.
But my mum is up in years now.

Im my head I felt nothing but my eyes welled up abit so I must have felt something very deeply.

I was thinking about my mum recently.
I thought about her life.
Thought about how it had been filled with work...
work work work, helping others.... and more work.
I'm sure if I asked her if she could think of a time she was happy , she may tell me yes.
Childhood days perhaps, if her childhood was devoid of exploitation.
But as we know, young girls in the Caribbean back then didn't always have any easy time.
I hope she was happy tho.
I know we all made her laugh many many times, whenever we all got together , meal times Christmas times
Mums food has been the best,
Mum was my 1st ever nutritionist back when I was an athlete
Always at the finish line, rarely if ever missing a meeting

Mum thinks I'm brave
and I guess that's what will be called for over the next few days or perhaps months
Mums story in many ways has been typical of a Caribbean woman who came here in the 50's
and perhaps knowing that, makes me sad

I hope that my mum knew joy and happiness, I hope mums life has been one which she can look back at as a life well lived, and not too many ( if any) regrets.

I'll tell you something. After my bro, I think mum has simply lost the will... to carry on.

In recalling tracks my mum simply loved and would sing from start to finish - this is one

Bless you mum, and thank you for everything x
We'll hold on as long as you choose

1 comment:

  1. I was told twice by doctors my mum was going to die and both times she pulled through. She was even on end of life care. So you can never be certain, but the sad thing is that each time she survived the weaker and more ill she's become and now I almost wish she hadn't pulled through. :(

    Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.