Friday 29 June 2012

Sideline story J Cole

It’s difficult for anyone to live on the sidelines.
To be a bit part player in their own lives.
To have it all To have it all and lose it all.
Yet somehow,
Keep going.
People take risks and construct bridges.
They elevate their minds and their situations
They free themselves from bondage
Be it mental, or physical
They feel pain and live pain
Yet through it all they smile
Sometimes I wonder how is it possible
Yet I know it’s real because I see it
To concede that people live their dreams every day
Constructed from their minds and into reality
Dreams that sometimes can feel like a nightmares
As no one knows he turn of the dice
Which is what
Believe in who you are
The mirror talks back
Must be hard if you can't even see your reflection

You know... when people tell me sad stories it often makes me feel a little tearful. I tend to mask it.. well... it's best sometimes. I'm told that.. "truth is Dawna, people go through their situations for a reason, and sad as it may seem 'you' really don't know the greater forces at play.. or for that matter, the part they may have played in the creation of their reality.. and wish as you may... you.. can't fix it!".
Yes we do create our reality..
Yet my issue ( as I have one) with the creation of our own reality is simple. We are not just single entities, 'others' can and will impact on our lives positively or negatively, and whilst we can take responsibility for our actions, the actions of another is an entirely different matter.
Still...I guess the true power lies with us, in how we react.. or respond in return

Why J Cole?...
From the piano intro right through it made me think..

and I love you.. T Braxton

10 years on.

10 years ago I was working in Harlesden. It’s an area that I grew so fond of, and looking back, I absolutely loved my time there. Harlesden in the summer was like the Caribbean, it just had this amazing vibe. Having said that, Wembley also has it's charm. I know it's possible that I felt that way because It was just different to my area... but I don’t think so. Harlesden was... and possibly still is, pretty cool.

I worked there during the time they were building Wembley stadium.. was amazing to watch each stage of construction.

Anyway. This post isn’t really about Harlesden, but about how much (if at all) I have changed over those ten years.
Ten years really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, and to be honest... I don’t think I’ve changed that much at all... and that’s no bad thing. ( views may have changed with regards to certain things, but it's been a natural or honest maybe that's why I don't notice it)

I looked younger (that much is true) but inside...

I came across a few TD Jakes books at that time and read them a lot. I used to write more, and completed a book I was writing travelling to and from work on the train. I day dreamed the hell out those windows most days... felt a sense of peace. The train ride meant I was actually able to get through quite a few books. I read more autobiographies at that time, but in the main my appetite hasn’t changed with regards to what interests me most.
My confidant at that time was Dr S. who always impressed upon me that I should possibly consider of the warmest men I’ve ever met in many ways. All who knew him respected and admired him...his humility and caring nature. I used to love winding him up something chronic to make him mad!!.. He’d sit and stew... then after a while he’d realise... he’d been had.

I remember talking to the director at the time and when she said to me .”He’s a doctor”... I asked her... “Well what’s he doing here then... shouldn’t he be at a surgery or something??”... (Well why wouldn’t you??)
Sometimes I’d look at him and wonder ‘why this man is sitting across from me doing what he does given his credentials... was he lazy... racism what?’. In talking he’d tell me, he loved what he did and how important it was to him. Okey dokey. Doc.

You know..whilst I’ve learnt from my experiences, and stride towards maturity I actually feel... as a person.. I’m pretty alright.

Thursday 28 June 2012

Fur Coats, Rover Cars, and Johnny Nash

Funny how nostalgic I get when I hear certain tunes. I miss the old 'Grams' many of us had back in the day. My uncle gave one to me when I moved out, but I left it behind when I left that place unfortunately. It would have been great to have something to remember him by. We shared the same birthday, he was very tall, and used to wear this long fur coat and shades ( he wasn't a pimp) he looked so cool always... used to drive a...

in the exact same colour also.

I have a thing about old cars... they posess a certain 'character' ..
anyway.. Johnny Nash.. a regular on the turntable...

Wednesday 27 June 2012

Aids in Africa

With little or no drug treatment for the HIV or Aids virus, chances of survival for Africans in Africa inflicted and infected with the virus, is slim to none.
Pharmaceutical companies don't seem to be doing business in Africa.. and for developing countries the price is too high. It's cheaper to die... and easier to let them die.

I often wonder if the spread of Aids in Africa is due to:
Catholicism or any belief which bans the use of condoms.
Economic despair which may drive women to prostitution
Men straying from woman to woman
A total loss of consciousness and personal responsibility
An ambitious drive towards ethnic cleansing

Aids in Africa is no joke...
If the leading cause of death in the UK was Aids something would be done.
However.. this is Africa.
This is... ( and if not) should be a major concern for African governments at the very least ( what does the World Health Organisation do?) and the re-education of the adult population who seem oblivious can't come soon enough.
Some will say it's the law of nature, and that for every person who leaves another arrives, that all things serve a purpose.
I dont know... i'm not sure yet...all I know is...I came across these statistics I thought I'd share..
Make of it what you will.

1. The first case of HIV/AIDS in Africa was reported in 1982.
2. Of the 33.3 million people living with HIV/AIDS across the world, 22.5 million are in Africa.
3. More than 29.4% of people are said to be living with HIV/AIDS in South Africa, the highest number of any country in the world.
4. In 2009, 1.8 million people died due to HIV/AIDS. 1.3 million lived in Africa.
5. Women account for 59% of adults aged 15 and over said to be living with HIV/AIDS in Africa.

6. South Africa has been hardest hit by the AIDS epidemic. One in five adults is HIV positive.
7. South Africa also has one of the highest numbers of children under 15 living with HIV/AIDS in the world; estimates range from 180,000 to 280,000.
8. 2.5 million people in Africa receive Antiretroviral Therapy (ART), medications for the treatment of infection by retroviruses, primarily HIV.
9. An additional 8.7 million are in need of ART.
10. There are 15 million AIDS orphans living around the world, 13 million of whom are in Africa.
11. HIV is the leading cause of death in sub-Saharan Africa.
12. This table provides a compelling view of how HIV/AIDS is ravaging Africa
13. HIV/AIDS statistics for Africa at the end of 2007, compared to the rest of the world.

Region Total No. (%) Living with HIV/AIDS Newly Infected in 2007 Adult (15-49) Prevalence Rate
Global Total 33 million (100%) 2.7 million 0.8%
Sub-Saharan Africa 22.0 million 1.9 million 5.0%


Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
The Henry Kaiser Family Foundation
Averting HIV & AIDS
The World Bank
LGBT RightsSex EducationHIV and AIDSSexual HealthSex and Relationships
Fact Sheet

Tuesday 26 June 2012


It's said that the Belgians were the most brutal colonisers.
Under Belgium and Germany Rwanda suffered under the divide and rule structure, as was common among colonisers at the time.

The genocide in Rwanda was (for me) one of the most horrifc things i've ever heard of seen accounts of. At that time, pictures on the news of bodies hacked to death for reasons no-one could seemingly explain other than tensions between Hutu and Tutsi's, was almost beyond belief.

Apparently, the genocide was planned meticulously, and how much world leaders knew at the time I don't know, but it's said they were fully aware.

There's very interesting documentary you can watch called the Ghosts of Rwanada.
I'd usually post it live but the images are quite horrendous so i'll just post the link.

How could anyone? Is the only question.
Was it a result of the brutality of the history of the place?
Never underestimate what we as humans are capable of that's for sure.

It comes in twelve parts, and you can watch it ... here.

Part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5
part 6
part 7
part 8
part 9
part 10
part 11
part 12

Saturday 23 June 2012

Chill Spot - Chris Martin

Where's your chill spot?

Lutan Fyah -Tarrus Riley - I Octaine

Not all women like shopping..

I've noticed i can be a little territorial after I’ve been shopping and bought food.
I remember once saying something like.. "let the food acclimatize first wont you.. jeesh"!?!
For example.. there are certain little treats I will buy for myself and it bugs the hell out of me when I see it open or gnawed at before I’ve even had a chance to crack the seal. Grrrrrrr
After all.. I get others their treats and leave them alone
Twice now I’ve bought one of the bigger than average chocolate bars only to see it half gone!!
I used to love Alpen .. then... all of a sudden.. hey presto!! everyone loves it.
I think I’ve subconsciously began to refine my taste to the bland just to ensure no one else gets at it.
I shopped.. my treats .. back off.

On the subject of shopping I can honestly say I don’t really enjoy it that much, not as much as I used to. It’s long and can be a little boring.
Necessary? Yes!.. Grateful? Yes!... but a little time consuming none the less.
Pretty much whatever I buy I‘m going to have to buy again anyway the following week, or month. It’s a con.

I don’t mind clothes shopping or browsing.. but I don’t really do that so much either.
I don’t enjoy queuing, or waiting around, which probably means I should venture into the online shopping experience...every time I see a delivery van parked outside I think.. hey!!..why didn’t I think of that.. they are so smart
In these busy times it makes sense.

Hackney Weekend Festival

Hackney weekend with some top artists like JayZ etc.. just a few stones throw from my door and I don't have any tickets!!
I don't know what I was thinking!!

I'm sure i'll hear all about it
You can hear it online
Still, I wont dwell.. neither shall I try to play 'chicken ' with the security over the bridge

Another time perhaps

Black wo-MEN & White privilege..

A couple a conversations in the week had me thinking. Both issues relate to ‘being black’.

The first subject I’ve touched on before but it came up again yesterday and today... in fact... it never seems to go away. ..So it’s more of a request which requires a change of attitude.
Why are black woman expected to be strong?...
In fact... it’s often demanded of them... be strong or die.
Why?... are they not just simply expected and allowed to BE??...
Why is BEING... not enough?

I’ve never heard the phrase ‘strong white woman’... ever!! .. well .. ummm..perhaps Maggy Thatcher.. but come on.. she was running the freakin’ country.. and lets be honest.. she had shed-loads of help.. both at work and at home!.
Anyway..if we flip it on its head... when did being 'weak' become the norm...
In truth, we ALL possess strengths and weaknesses.
But a black woman’s ‘weaknesses’ aren’t as endearing... seem attractively exploitable...and in the main , appear highly unacceptable.
My request?? It’s not on... stop being racist...sort it out.

Because truth is, what is subconsciously being said is that 'black women' are like men.
I call it the defeminisation of the black woman.

Second thing is...
Although I would argue that racism impacts on EVERY black persons life... ironically... when asked if i’ve ever experienced racism from white people... I really had to think..
In truth... perhaps in my lifetime... only once
(Some NF guys in a van after an ASWAD concert many many years ago late at night... they shouted something... I think it was the N word..we were a bit worried as it was a secluded area... I wasn’t worried at first and when to shout something back, but our (band) manager panicked and quickly put a stop to that... we walked very very quickly to a safer place.. oddly..having to walk fast .. made me feel fear)

Or perhaps twice
(When I used to run for a club and when asked who won the race my so called ‘team mate’ pointed and said... that black girl... despite knowing my name)

Or perhaps three times... expressed mainly in attitudes....and a reluctance to embrace without judgement.
All of which I’m accustomed to...

Other than that.... no!!:)
*ummm nearly forget all the others times.... but No!! :)

My friend asked me how and why I can be so comfortable talking about racism, as she gets very very angry... she then attributed it to the fact that I haven’t really experienced it.. Unlike her, who attended an all white school and was constantly called all kinds of names etc.
I accepted her view.

Because, thinking back .. (for awhile) best friend was the boy next door who was Turkish (he moved) ... and over the years, it’s never really been an issue(for me)
We then realised that I’ve probably experienced more 'shadism' than racism. Wow ... I thought... that’s so true. I’ve had more experiences of 'black on black shadism’ than anything else. My friend... who is not very dark hasn’t.
How messed up.

I also realised that I’m less tolerant of black people who express that kind of ignorance, and discriminatory 'shadist' attitude, than of 'white racism'.
Why?? My experiences.

Which means... when a 'white' person seems not to care or 'understand' racism... it’s not necessarily because they don’t want to... it’s just not been their lived experience, so... it would take a lot for them to fully comprehend.
What I question more and more is not even necessarily racism, but 'white privilege'. The fact that a white person will never really question the opportunities they’ve had in life, the relative ease of their lives (not all but most in comparison) and the freedom they have to just BE... and BE accepted, because.. Its ‘normal', it’s always been that way, should be that way, they know nothing else, and they have a right.
Problems occur when a 'white person' then truly believes that the reason others have not achieved as they have, or seemly fail to exploit opportunities is because that person is not up to the mark, sub standard, or lazy..hence the deepening of racism and racist attitudes.
A failure to recognise 'white privilege' as the norm in society, is the issue.

NB Ive had to come back to this post...

I was out shopping today and had a though( sad yeah I know :)..
I've never actually personally experienced that much 'shadeism' either.. but have seen it around me.. lots) most folk, if i'm hones,t have been okay with me... so....
My feelings stem from the experiences of others.. I feel that, so talk about it

Friday 22 June 2012

Nice tune Lutan Fyah.. Dawnas Friday song.. x

Keep them busy.. message from the merciless

Keeping the people busy will ensure we are able to continue to implement our goal of total control
We will chip them (like their dogs)and decide when they will eat, what they will eat, and where.
There will be no money.
In our cashless society only the chip will enable them to make purchases.
Failure to comply?
They will be too afraid to complain or step out of line at the risk of losing their homes and jobs
They will turn on each other
becoming increasingly suspicious of each other
They will compete and complain
Fail to recognise the cause of their pain

We will distract them with new and shiny things
We will convince them that the meaningless is meaningful
that our knowledge is the only true knowledge
We will erase any knowledge they have of their true potential
They will struggle with love
and revel in hate

Over time they will beg us for help
Beg for our leadership
They will be dependent on our drugs
They will be dependent on us

Keep them busy.
They will have no time or energy to complain
Keep them busy, even if they notice.. they'll be occupied
They will be way-too-busy

It's...Thursday folks

Do you realise that if enough of us said it.. in fact, if everyone decided that today was in fact Thursday... it would be Thursday.

Yet it brings to mind that Ghandi quote
"Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth".

Still.. Friday's here!

It’s so miserable looking outside... bit of an odd summer so far but I’m sure the sunshine will return.
It’s a cool and easy Friday, and I’m looking forward to the weekend.

I came across this quote in the week.. timeless words of wisdom
love a good phrase me

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity".
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Many do King, many do not

Have a nice day x

Pressure selection

Thursday 21 June 2012

BoonDocks Ebony Brown

Know how you like your eggs * this post is not about eggs*

The longest time I’ve ever been single is 10years... and I mean ‘proper’ single.

No sneaking 'uncle Johnny' up the backstairs ( if you know what I mean;)) just, single.

This seems to be met with an odd reaction whenever I say it. ( only when asked.. it’s not an announcement I make upon first meeting)
The main reaction is disbelief. Then .. .a look of wonderment... followed by ... hmmm.. I wonder, something wrong with her?.. or the ‘raised brow’ look of .. lesbian!?!.
No. I’m not a closet lesbian. I’m into men.( Yet ironically... perhaps during those ten years.. not

Seriously though...why does that seem odd to people?

After my last relationship, I wanted to take time out, get to know me, my likes and dislikes, feel secure enough in myself, without needing the validation of anyone.
Also.. not to f*** up by making the wrong bloody choice.
I also wanted to wait until I met someone who I was able to connect with on a deeper level...not just the physical.
After all... making love to another does not begin in the bedroom, but in the mind, the soul, the heart.
To be honest my plan was to take a year out, like a gap year... but that became two and so on... until I really didn’t even notice.
The desire to notch up many partners has never really appealed to me, and I liked the fact that I was able to discipline myself, and honour what I value.
It felt kinda cool

I decided I didn’t want to try to force fit ( no pun intended ) anyone, or pretend to be interested ( in another) when I wasn't.
You know.. laugh at unfunny jokes.. stifle a deaf to any offensive views, or hide who I was.

Perhaps one way to explore your sexuality, is to explore and get to know fully.. who you are... and sometimes, to truly get a handle on things.. or.. to really appreciate something, you have to take a step back, and look at it. in its totality.
Like a work of Art.
Funny really, times have changed so much that it’s almost more acceptable to say you’ve been in and out of relationships, than to say you’ve decline the easy sexual encounter.
Anyway, it felt right for me at that time.
I know how I like my eggs ( so to speak) and what makes me tick.
Although there are new discoveries all the time

So people trust me.. it's really not odd at all.

There is no time

Time really is what you make it isn’t it?

In fact, the main evidence of the existence of time seems to be our deteriorating bodies!. Yet often, the main cause of the deterioration isn’t time necessarily, but the way we treat them (our bodies that is) A 70 year old can be in better shape than a 30 year old, dependant on the life they live.

Evidence has shown that you can be with a person for 30yrs and never share a meaningful conversation, yet meet a complete stranger a share the most profound things, or aspects of yourself.
That throws into question the old adage.... it takes time to get to know a person.
How long do you think it takes?

I think I learnt a great deal from the ages of 15 – 25.
25 – 30? Possibly the reflective years. 30 – 40... again.. the knowledge increases.
But I think that has more to do with my experiences, than time itself. The encounters I've have, and the people I've met.

To fully appreciate time, is to almost denounce it. Not be dictated by it but to open oneself up to life’s experiences, fully.

Food Snob

I love food , but within that, I'm one of the most unadventurous people I know.

I like Caribbean ( most) African ( some) Indian ( most) and English, a little Italian (in Italy) but I can’t bring myself to try anything too.. unusual.
In a way.. I am a food snob.

I’m not as bad as to go abroad and demand fish, chips and lager, but I did (on a few occasions) get the chef to make me chips in Gambia)...( It was late, and I was peckish!)

I really have a passion for food though.
I love wonderful flavours, rich, spicy, or plain and tasty with good quality ingredients.
Recently, my son was saying I should take a class for fun.
He recommended a cooking class... his reasons very different to mine.

I’m a good (ish) cook, but a little others words, I can’t be bothered to make it special most days)
But I’d love to have more dinner parties and that kind of thing just to be able to share my love of food with others.
There’s a great Sunday market on Chatsworth Road that's increasing selling foods from around the world....must give it a try.
As long as it’s not pork, It didn’t bark, crawl, creep, or walk on all fours
We're good to go

Accepting you may not know what you want.

Confusion reigns when you wake up one day and realise you don’t really know what you want after all.

Perhaps you tick all the boxes that most people set out to tick but yet... what does it all mean?
It often means that you have not really been living your own life at all. Rather, you may have lived a life that has been dictated to you, or a the life you felt you should lead.

Then throw in to the mix the realisation that sometimes.. we... as people change.
Surely any life lived without knowledge of oneself, or the ability to be honest with ones self, will be a misrepresentation of your true self, no?
I said half the battle is knowing what you want. The other half is accepting you don’t have a clue.
That’s honesty.
and humility.

What do we value?

There are lots of things of 'value', that have no monetary value attached, or don’t even appear tangible.
You can't always count what is of value, touch or hold it.

To question that which is of true value, devalues it.
A value is by definition just what it is.
It’s in its recognition that it grows in strength.
I value lots of things, that to some may seem simple or perhaps pointless.
But to me, they’re hugely significant in my life

Having what you want

Having what you want is interesting.
It’s interesting because often for some it’s when they realise they didn’t want it at all.
Having what you want requires discipline. It requires nurturing, honesty and truth.

Having what you want... if obtained after a struggle can feel like bliss. It should inspire a sense of ease, an acceptance, and all round peace and security.
Yet many people who 'have what they want' appear to struggle to reach that state.

Having what you want should signify the end of a search.
Having what you want should provide answers to questions

Knowing what you want

Knowing what you want is an entirely different matter.

You can know what you want but be terrified to go after it, to claim it, or even speak of it.
Knowing what you want can cause conflict also, as conflict can arise when knowing what you want is not what another knows, or feels is good for you.

Knowing what you want implies autonomy, courageousness, and a free mind.
Knowing what you want is difficult for many, especially if they feel it’s unattainable, or unachievable.Or...if it would require a significant life change, or inner change.

Knowing what you want may feel tough.. for some.. like 'torture'
Some may create a mind block that prevents them from formulating a coherent understanding of their own desires.

Yet knowing what you want is half the battle won
It means you cannot be dictated to in the same way as you would not knowing.
It provides you with a focus, energy, and purpose.
Knowing what you want feels right.

Getting what you want

Sometimes I think that life is all about getting what you want.
Whether 'you' seek enlightenment or 'you' seek a new pair of trainers
Ultimately, it’s about having 'your' way.

If what we all want is to have our own way, then conflict makes perfect sense. Conflict is often a result of one stopping another, or standing in the way of another, from getting their will.
Ironically, if we recognise that all another person wants is what ‘we’ want also, then there really should be no conflict at all! Yet even more ironically perhaps, some of the greatest conflict in the world, arises out of two people or groups, who want the same thing.

So...Is it possible for everyone to have their own way?
We are sophisticated animals, and we can intellectualise it all the 'live long day'
but I have a feeling, it's all about fulfilling ones will.

Tuesday 19 June 2012

As normal service resumes

My 'rant' has gone.
Left my system in a blaze of glory.
Went off like a rocket then boom...

Oddly (considering my lyrical flow) I had an okay day today. Maybe I was hungry or tired, both can make you a little 'cranky'.

Still...splendid...and gone before you know it

As normal services resumes I feel an early night will do the trick.
A little chocolate with my tea perhaps.
A little light reading... and bring on some sweet dreams..

Monday 18 June 2012


Off to work.
We spend so much of our time at work, blessed are those who enjoy their jobs, feel fulfilled, energized, motivated, and appreciated.
Remember though.. to feel that way is relatively a luxury in today's world, and should be put into perspective.
Some of us are fortunate. Others not so.

I do believe there is a job for everyone in a sense. We are not all cut out to be doctors, lawyers, road sweepers, or checkout workers.
I certainly could never be a doctor as I cant take the blood and gore thing. (I think doctors are born really).. personally?.. knowing where my hands had been..Id never eat again!!. Road sweeper?.. I'd probably have a go at people for being so nasty and dropping shit on the ground.
Checkout girl ( I'd talk...alot.. til the queue backed up lol.. I jest)

We all have particular skills and qualities that will make us just right for whatever role we have. Sadly though, there are those who have untapped potential due to not really having had opportunities pass their way, or perhaps have other barriers to contend with.
Still, where there's breath there's life they say...and where there's life there's hope, where there's hope there's ambition, and where there's ambition there's drive, and passion... shall I go on or you get the picture?? :)

We do what we have to do to survive..
Enjoy your day lovely people x

Had Enough.

Sunday 17 June 2012

Richie Spice..serenades..

Sunday sweet Sunday

Sundays are for lovers.
Sunny days are like tulips
Ponds are like a chain of glistening diamonds.

Grass feels like silk underfoot
The warm air a kiss from the angels
A smile from a stranger.. a reminder of loves existence.

I have rekindled my love of Sundays. (today only perhaps)..the day before many of us are back to the working week.
Mainly because it’s such a calm day.
Mainly because It inspires and coaxes out my romantic side (really doesn’t need much coaxing to be honest)
And because you can easily have a lie in if you want to, and feel no pressure to do anything.

Today is father’s day I hear.
Happy father’s day to all fathers, and Happy soul mate Sunday to all lovers x

The Why

I had a conversation with someone who was concerned for a neighbour. Apparently her children had been taken away from her due to her spiralling drink problem.. and she hadn’t been seen for days.
I asked him.. “ why does she drink?”.. he said “ you know it’s funny .. but I’ve never asked, you just don’t do you?”..
errrr ..hell yeah
Usually first thing I ask (or wonder)anyway

When we see drug users or alcoholics we see, and quite often smell, the effects of the drug, and our actions tend to be a reaction to that. ( and their behaviour of course)
Like anything though, if you do something often enough it becomes a habit, and with addictive substances.. .an addiction.
But the why?.. is the real issue for me
And is there really such a thing as an addictive personality.. someone with an addictive gene?

The neighbour was okay btw.. just too depressed (and drunk)to answer the door at the time..

Beres Hammond

Saturday 16 June 2012

A little Trey Songz

Enjoy your eve..x

Man talk

I was told by a friend recently that a guy told her that men don’t make an effort in bed if they’re not serious about a woman, or it’s a fling. By effort I mean... they do nothing but the bare minimum, just enough to enable them to feel pleased with the outcome, with pretty much no regard to the other person. If however, they do have more than sex on the mind, then they will in fact express that in the physical art of love making.
Is making love a physical art? an animalistic urge? ...or just Dawna talking b*****ks

I definitely think it’s best to know how a person genuinely ( although you cant always be sure) feels about you before you assess their bedroom technique ... Otherwise one sure could get through a lot of partners *yikes* ( still counting on five fingers or you on to the toes!?! )
That’s like the ABC of sex ed at school right?.. get to know...

Are sex and love always intertwined for women?, or should they be separated, never the twain to meet unless of course there’s a soul connection.
But what if a person ( male or female) never makes a soul connection?

Now I don’t know why this guy said what he said, but I won’t dismiss it. Why?... well... because I’m pretty sure women are just the same.
A woman who’s tired of her partner, whose feelings have waned, can’t stand him anymore or just really isn’t that into the guy, will go with the flow, but not really put any unnecessary energy into the process. In fact, it’s possible that she may even wonder why on earth she’s doing it at all.
Unless of course, the encounter is based purely on ‘sexpression’, then, perhaps, anything goes.. after which the door will slam shut.. and she can blissfully enjoy a warm beverage and a book. Fully satisfied.

Personally speaking, I think sex is a bit like cooking. When a cook puts his or her heart into a meal, it usually tastes good. Equally, if a person doesn’t feel like cooking, and pays little regard to the seasoning, it will more than likely taste pretty bland. *yuck*
I hate doing things half heartedly.
What’s the point?.

Saturday Mix.. Teedra, Tweet, Missy

Friday 15 June 2012

Cool Whitney Friday..1000

I've just noticed it's my 1000th post..
Happy 1000.. bless you Whitney

The Rise of Rasta

Locks are quite fashionable nowadays. Many will 'locks' without a second thought to how this way of wearing their hair ( naturally) was made possible without the type of persecution of the past. The evolution of Rastafai is quite interesting, with some subscribing to the core beliefs, and others not knowing what they are or even care.
Rasta isn't just about locks though, it's about core humanitarian beliefs, a way of being, a life choice if you like. An understanding of ones self and others, and an awareness of a universal higher order. It's about love.

Anyone who wears locks ( even for fashion) can never really 'shun' Rasta, as without the fight, the history, things would be very different. They made it possible.

Rasta however, may shun you lol.
No.. I jest.
I say that as whilst some may look at me with my tight tops or occasional short skirts, jeans and blah blah blah, and think... 'can't be Rasta', they don't know my history.
Ultimately, I'm just amalgamation of many things. Uniquely me.
I was 15 when I grew my dreads, and at that time it wasn't the 'thing to do'.
My parents waved goodbye to my 'good hair' sighed and probably wondered how they ended up with this particular daughter..
A mind of her own and a will too strong or tiring to contend with.
I was a conscious child..

Still...true Rastas deal with the heart, and have no need to cling to dogma.
Rasta was, and is, a cultural phenomena, one which has impacted on the black community perhaps more than we may care to realise. (but I think should at least recognise)
One which advocated a sense of identity, of strength and self reliance, when all about were saying no.

Whether you agree or disagree with the philosophy, If you have an interest in history, you may enjoy this
And if you have locks now... perhaps give thanks you were not around then.
As you visit the hairdressers to get a 're-twist'.. give a thought to the Rastas over pinnicle..give a thought to the history, and smile.
Happy Friday x

Thursday 14 June 2012

Jah Mali El Shaddai

I've always liked the way he put his lyrics together. Big tune back then.

Jackie Mittoo

This is my absolute favourite Jackie Mittoo track ( couldn't resist an up to date post)

Spice of life pt 1

What is it for you?
For me... its music, food, writing, open spaces, love, sex. (in all their various guises)
I’m sure there are more lurking within, but those are the ones that sprang to mind first.
Remove one of those things and I’m sure I’ll be fine. Remove two... I’d get antsy and slightly pissed off. Remove three.. okay... life is having a giggle but I’ll be thanking god for the two remaining. Remove them all and the shit would definitely hit the fan as I would not be a happy bunny at all.
It hasn’t changed much over the years.

What’s funny is that in one sense I haven’t changed that much, yet in another I've changed a great deal. I’ve grown up a lot ( to be expected at my age maybe but never assume it always to be the case..) but at my core... it’s still me. I’ve questioned, evaluated my beliefs and found where I was being true to myself, or simply following the ‘crowd’.
Following the crowd never amounts to much (as far as I'm concerned) in terms of self satisfaction. You've almost got to be quite selfish ( in a way) to attain self satisfaction, and there are times when being true to yourself conflicts with those around you, and they’ll either accept you, or they won’t.

Being selfish I should really say 'self aware', (as for me selfishness implies a mean spirited, self centred individual , whose only focus is meeting their own wants and needs regardless of others and often at the expense of others. No!!..that's not cool)
Being 'self aware' is freedom, or at the very least a feeling that you're on the right path... your path.
One that you need not apologise for, explain, or justify

Ironically, I suspect some of the most dysfunctional people around are incredibly self aware. Some will tell you straight.. "I'm full of crap"
Fair enough.

Monday 11 June 2012

Ode to self .. Pt 1

I sat down to write this evening, with the intention of writing a poem. With so many things I want to say.. yet not want to say equally, I thought I'd just put it all down and see what appeared. However, the only thing that came to me was this prayer. Usually, our prayers are a closely guarded. Yet this prayer could be anyone's prayer really... its mine.. but not mine to keep... but to give away... you know what I mean?
To share.

Dear lord
Don’t make me cynical.
Help me to see through the mire with clarity
To cherish my visions and dreams, when others may doubt them
To recognise what’s real and of value
And that which is not
Help me to recognise the blessings you have bestowed upon me and teach me to be thankful
For not that which I can be...but for who I am... now
Help me to show love, when I don't feel loving
To show kindness when I don’t feel like being kind
To listen, when I don’t want to hear
And to be compassionate, when compassion is in short supply

Help me to see myself as part of humanity, but not all.. of humanity
Teach me to conquer my ego and refrain from critical correctness
To recognise that wisdom comes not from what I know, but how my knowledge is applied
Bless me with the courage of a revolutionary
And to find strength where there dwells weakness
Help me to conquer my fears and the fears of others
To find my voice when my tongue is weary
Yet to know the beauty in silence

Teach me to accept myself and others
For we are both our own worst enemy
Yet sure enough, our best friend
Show me the true meaning of forgiveness
and let thy judgement be yours.. and yours alone
That I may continue to be a blessing
steadfast, loyal, cute, and funny
Yes lord there are many things to be thankful for
And many reasons to smile
Remind me often.. to remember that

btw .. apparently the TV went when the red arrows flew over!.. great. thanks guys.

Girl talk

I’m really enjoying talking to my son at the moment.( well.. I did today anyway:)
I’m pleasantly surprised about what we can actually talk about, and how insightful a young man he’s becoming.
Talking about life and disappointments, I recall telling him not to change. Never to feel as though he has to become like anyone else in order to fit in. Never to feel like a fool for being able to express kindness care or concern towards another, and never to feel as though as a man, his must not show emotion, must be tough, hard callous or cruel.
Even if it may appear ( to him) that ‘girls’ like ‘bad guys’.
Grow older and wiser, but never bitter.
Others will do things their way.. you do things your way
I hope I’m not setting him up for disappointment ... I wonder if I really should be telling him to instil a little mean in his system as a kind of antidote to what may lay in store.
It would be a tough transition I think, as he’s not really wired that way, so my advice is.. choose wisely.

Blank Screen..

Okay it’s finally happened.
The time for a new TV has arrived.
I don’t watch that much but I do enjoy DVDS.
I’ve become quite fond of my old TV. It’s served me well. I’ve had it about ten years, and when I bought it.. it was so called ‘state of the art’ ish..

Ill be a little sad to bin it, but I’m happy to now because it’s time has come.
Turned it on.. blank screen
"au revoir black box"

Sunday 10 June 2012

Piano upside down boy

How do I turn this the right way up??
I did film it the right way up

To you I am..

To you
I am perfect
An iron scar on my leg
weather beaten in places,
Yet none of that matters

To you
I am joy
Filing your heart and Inspiring tenderness
Filling you with the courage to be

To you
I'm a smile
A reminder of who you were and who you are still
Strong enough and safe enough to love

To you
I’m a revelation
Soft to touch
And sweet to taste
Like sticky black liquorish
You savour, not rush

To you
My embrace is all
To you
I am all

Happy SMSx

Who remembers..

Who remembers the revolutionaries when the revolution is over
When the dust has settled and the fire no longer burns
When the ‘mods cons’ become attainable and jobs available
When cars take us where previously we travelled by foot
When we throw away clothes that go out of fashion
When we believe we will receive a fair trial and justice and the law will protect us
When we eat more than we need and smoke more than we should
As our memories fade and history seems unimportant
When we feel good making love in our warm heated homes
Feel important when canvassed by election crones
Who remembers the revolutionaries when times are good
Who remembers the revolutionaries when the revolution is over

Zimbabwes Chimurenga ft..Josiah Tongogara

I would really have liked to find more interviews with Josiah but this is the only footage I can find of him. This is a short excerpt of a very interesting documentary

Fred Hampton.. deputy chairman of Illinois chapter of B.P.P

Friday 8 June 2012

sheryl crow

I read somewhere that Sheryl crow was unwell. Very talented singer and musician..
Enjoy these two tracks

Calling occupants..

Gotta love 'ole skl' DJs.
This is a little out there. For some reason this song came to mind today.
I wonder... if we were being observed by outer beings...what they would make of us.
What would you ask these beings if you had the chance of a little Tet ta Te...?
I don’t think they’d think much... That’s assuming they had their shit together that is..

As I said... it’s a little out there... cool song though. Gotta rate the Carpenters

Got a taste for them.. couldn't resist another..

Blogger calling Chrome.. Come in Chrome

Sometimes it’s okay to be ok ish
It’s an improvement on not ok and edges closer to okay.
It’s in between
Never underestimate the power of the in between to wreak havoc at times though, as the either/ or turns like a Chinese burn on the arm.
Personally I find it uncomfortable, as it’s like floating on a log, in the middle of the sea, with an unpredictable weather forecast. ( and I can't remember how to swim)
Still...buddies are everywhere.
Like sand on a sea shore.
Sometimes they’re hard to spot, as they can be overshadowed by the big , the bold , the ostentatious
The illusionary, or just plain foolhardy.
Damn. .. in a storm they can be almost invisible, but for a tiny flicker of light

Hey mind buddy..
Have a little Jimmy Cliff
1 :)

99 Shots..Fred Hampton

Tempted to trust

When people feel listened to, cared for, they talk.
The defences go down, and honesty feels like, and actually is, the most natural thing in the world.
(You see it in action during some of the most skilled interviewers with people who are well known or famous in their field.)

When this ‘state’ is shared, it can be a powerful thing, and open the door to so much wonderful experiences.
When it is unequal, it is open to abuse.

Yet by its very nature, one act of trust will always precede another.. in a word. Someone always has to go first.
Scary right?.. doubt kicks in as you wonder if this person is a kindred spirit.. Trustworthy, or if they will see it as an ‘ah ha ‘moment whilst rubbing their hands together with glee plotting to ‘get ya
Sounds funny huh, but if there were an animation to show how and why we’re reluctant to trust .. it may just look something like that.
And to be fair. People have stories to tell

I remember back in the day I had a close friend. It was a closed shop, and as a result that ‘friendship’ could never, and would have never lasted. I just noticed it one day, and then inside began to question to authenticity of the friendship.
Out and about I have found people willing to talk, sometimes, desperate to talk.. to someone who actually gives a damn.
I like to listen as I learn a great deal from them, and I enjoy their stories.
I feel their pain and it helps to keep me humble.

This illusion of advanced communication we have via smart phones, internet, and the like has almost disabled our ability to truly communicate.
Apparently it’s worse in big cities.

The search for security

What gives us security?
My mother always used to say never a borrower or a lender be
She never got into debt and never worried about money.
What gives us security is the absence of fear.
Knowing that whatever happens, you will be okay.
What creates fear is the feeling of losing what you have... or think you have. The more you feel you have the more you fear.

We can become a slave to our possessions and they can end up possessing us instead of the other way around.
Those who struggle financially have the mistaken belief that those who appear to have money have no worries, and as a result get themselves into debt trying to live a dream that in reality is often a nightmare to those living the life.
But nobody wants to say.

Nobody wants to feel like a fool or look like a failure.
Yet our value system is bust.
The system has us by the throat and is cutting off our oxygen.
Yet it can change in an instant.
Instead of following others, follow no one. Live according to your honest self.
Neither Happiness or Security ... can ever be found wanting

Thursday 7 June 2012

Easy like a nice chilled movie.. or that sensual note in the air..

You can really 'lose' yourself in a good book or a great movie. You can find yourself too :)
Seriously, I've missed my movie nights.. .and what I dubbed Saturday morning matinees. Okay.. they are now formally reinstated.
A nice balance.
Music can do that too..
Do what?...
Well...get the vibe just right of course

Whatever we want we have to create, never hesitate.
Make. It. right. Make it you.

let the chaos of the world go by

Disappearing acts the Movie..

Great film enjoy

The rest available on YouTube..

PANTHER- 1995 Movie on the Black Panthers - a Mario Van Peebles Film..

12 parts available on YouTube

Monday 4 June 2012

Never gonna give Jah up- Sugar Minott

The Studio 1 Story

featuring Sugar Minott..

Charles family album.. our family album..

I was watching a programme about the royal family which showed Prince Charles watching a lot of archive footage of his family, and talking us ( the audience ) through it.
I must say it looks like great fun to be a royal.

Apart from the fact that Charles has got to be one of the driest people ( which actually became quite amusing and endearing) what struck me was how well documented their lives are.
They are able to trace their history back not only through books and letters but also film.
How wonderful it must be to know this. To know your history in that way.
I think it’s unusual for a black family of African Caribbean heritage to be able to go back very far. I could be wrong but it seems uncommon.

I try to tell my children as much as I can. Even about myself. The reason being that its important that they know who and what I stand for, that I too have made mistakes, had knock backs, got up, and kept going.
I may not be able to show archive footage of my family going back very far but all that they are/were/ exists in me in some form.

The history of black people in the Britain goes way back. Africans were here before the English. They were soldiers of the Roman Empire. (Yr 210)
Yet we know very little of who they really where and what their experiences have been.
The history of Britain is very interesting.
History, is very interesting.

Bank holidays

Why does it always rain on bank holidays? (Still gonna play football in the park though)

Please can everyone remember that the queen and the royals were born into their situation and did nothing to earn it.
(lovely as she/they may or may not be)

Should we have an elected queen?

Please can everyone remember that true value exists within?

Prince Harry is handsome

Will we ever have a black queen?

Should the queens honours remain, or be replaced by awards not associated with empire?

Street parties are kinda cool... lets have them every weekend

Sunday 3 June 2012

Classic Rocksteady Sunday..

Redistribution of power

I quite like macho guys.

Especially when they are so secure in their masculinity, that they don’t feel the need to control or dominate, rather they recognise the power of a woman, and that the two forces, masculine and feminine, can exist side by side, each essential for each other’s survival.

In relationships, one person may feel the need to control, or hold the power, often at the expense of the other person.
Yet true power can never be taken, it is always given.

I think it should be fluid. Each person can ‘step up’ when required as certain situations require certain skills. It can be redistributed at any point and should never be static.
Maybe the title should be, redefining power- the duality of the sexes.

Being able to recognise the true qualities that exist in another is powerful. Power - is often the very opposite to what we think it is.
Those who truly have it.. never fear losing it.

Why are you here?

Today, my friend asked me why I’m here.

It’s not something I’d thought of lately, so after a little thought I said something along the lines of, ‘feeling I had a role to play, lives to touch in some way... yet in many ways feeling that my journey, as it unfolds will show me why I’m here.
Much of it for me was about giving

She said she felt the purpose of why we are here is to reach perfection, to learn the life lessons and reach enlightenment. That all things that enter into her life ( our lives) are there to help her reach that point, our love and sex lives included.
Much of it from her perspective, was about being

I think it’s a cool question.

It’s the type of reasoning that could possibly improve our relationships (should we wish it to) with each other and treatment of one another. If we considered that those we meet are on a journey, that they too are here to reach enlightenment, we may see them in a different way, not as enemies, or barriers to whatever we want, but as people learning and discovering who they are.

Still, not all people consider these things, and simply live chips in one hand beer in the other so to speak, and the biggest challenge may be which to consume first.
Or, others may glide from one purchase to another, consuming as much material goods as they can
And that’s okay too... for awhile
There is usually a price to pay

However,I believe at some point in the lives of one... the thought will arise.. the mission ( should they wish to accept it) is to follow through.

Like attracts like

Our partners are a reflection of ourselves.
Who we choose as our partner will tell us more about ourselves than words alone.
If there are aspects of our other half that we don’t much care for, you can rest assured that if we’re not running for the hills, there is a part of us that is just like that.

In some cases perhaps their behaviour enables us to feel superior (ego) with the thought.. ‘what an arse ( or bitch) .. I’m not like that!’..
Perhaps their behaviour may enable us to hide and never have to face our true selves.
Truthfully, there is a lesson in every relationship should one wish to learn it. Each experience in life is presented to us to get us to either utilise our skills, or develop in areas of weakness. Either way, they show us who we are.

For good.. or ill.
Our relationships mirror us

The attraction of the ego

What is it about our egos that seem to make life so attractive?
Is it that it keeps us from ever questioning ourselves?
Our egos, when in full control , feed us the lies it needs to survive. Its very survival is based upon us believing in it, and never questioning it.

Whilst it feeds us lies about others, and maintains our own insecurities by telling us that we are bigger better, smarter, stronger, richer, or more beautiful than others, Ironically It deepens our insecurities and propels self hatred of the highest order.

As we cling to things, ideals, roles or positions to validate ourselves, we are seemingly unaware that we move further away from our inner higher self, further away from enlightenment, and further away from the truth.
We love those who feed our egos, either through words or status. They love us in return for that very same reason, we mistake ego love for real love, get trapped in a cycle and rarely leave.

The ego is a greedy parasite with only one goal in mind. .. to totally consume its host.

Friday 1 June 2012

Jubi-lant Friday..

see what I did there... :)
Okay.. the Queens Jubilee is approaching and I found myself reminiscing about the last Jubilee I remember. I was very
young, and attended a party on the street of one of my parents friends. All I knew was there would be cake fun, and lots of playing outdoors. It was a little boring truth be told, and a little chilly, but thinking back I had a nice time. We were all given silver coins to take home.(I hoped it was an antique) Lots of flag waving.. not much else.

I have a few patriotic neighbours.. not many. So there are a few union jacks on display.. and a little bunting here and there.

My Jubilation has little to do with the Jubilee though.
I'm just pleased to have finally completed the work that had been gnawing away at my psyche for months. Pressing the submit button, I felt a mixture of nervousness and relief. I should sleep well tonight. Hope so anyway.
Also, someone I've been working with has finally got the job of her dreams. I remember when I met her and she introduced me to her passion for space, I remembered thinking.. that's not something I here everyday :)

With her MA in engineering two years behind her she felt it wouldn't happen. Last week it did, and she was offered a job with a large space company.
That's pretty cool.
The sun is shining.. lots of reasons to feel jubilant xx