Tuesday 31 January 2012

It's so Coldddddddddddd!!!

I struggle to function as normal when it's cold like this.. part of my brain and body goes into hibernation, and I actually get very tired as I expel so much energy in the day trying to stay warm that come the evening, I have very little left..
No.. some of us really need the warmth.

My nephew doesn't mind the cold... he's nuts..
If I could.. I would get an electric heater and put it by my desk all day... in fact.. I'd probably be super duper productive..
this cold business is doing my head in...

What's keeping me from screaming at anyone and every one .. turn the f****** heating UP!!.. is the fact that after this 'cold snap', Spring is on the way!!.. my favourite time of year..
Roll on Spring.... Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.x

Ps .. I hate air conditioning... can we just go back to opening windows in summer pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... it's natures way.. what's the point of suffering cold winters.. only to sit in freezing cold offices in the summer?

Male pole dancing..

Can't get my head around that one..
The last time I saw a man trying to pole dance it was 'Doug' in the 'King of Queens' and I laughed my head off he was so funny..

bruise alert!..

I saw a guy on the news last night talking about taking pole dancing lessons ( and hiding it from his friends) in China, as apparently it's becoming a really popular way to keep fit..
Men's bodies are shaped differently to women's so to me it looks a little odd.. clumsy

But then.. I have a feeling anyone may look a little odd or clumsy until they get the hang of it.. still.... male pole dancers?...only for a laugh.. otherwise..not for me... too ... odd... but then... I am picturing 'Doug Heffernan'

In fact it's so funny.. every man should pole dance for his wife or girlfriend at least once...(if he has one)... then... never speak of it again... :)

By our deeds...

There are times when no words are needed...
as there’s more to communication than speech

Still... there are times when it's crucial( to talk) yes?
But truth is...speech can also leave you more confused than ever...

Actions speak louder than words

'Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven." Matthew 5:16.'

Or... by our deeds...our actions... shall we come to be known...

Thought of the day; Topsy Turvy Land?.. feeling 'upset'..

If someone does something to upset you.. why do they then get upset with you for getting upset?
Yet tend to be even more so.. if you're not..

In the lap of the gods..

Thinking of you Simone at chocolate covered daydreams
get well soon..
The line of your post caught my attention.. "Who knows how and why things happen the way the do..." It's a question I often ask myself... and have no defining answer..
That one remains in the lap of the gods for me..
A few things have occurred quite unexpectedly in the lives of a few people close to me.. to shake them up quite a bit.. and like them.. I don't know why..
Why..? that's a big question
often it's the 1st thing we ask when we're hurt, or confused...
I find more recently.. I tend to go silent..

It's quite early in the year.. but it's been quite eventful
let's pray that we all receive blessings this year .. that the only exclamation will be wow.. ‘humbleness’ and thanks
Stay strong one and all.. x

..in gods hands


this song came to mind.. simply for the line.. back in gods hands... x

Ed Sheeran . Drunk..

Just watched him perform this on TV.. was great
I'm sure he's even better live..
On the video.. that cat is crazy but very funny

Sunday 29 January 2012

ft..Ciara.. & Shontelle..

and Shontelle...

Thought of the day; Gardeners care about plants.. Bankers care about money..

Nurses care about people
Teachers care about children
Police Officers care about crime
Firemen & women care about fires
Athletes care about fitness
Competitors care about winning
Politicians care about politics
The clergy care about religion
Funeral directors care about death
Midwives care about life
and so on...

Is it absolute?..
is anything?
My point is what some see as greed.. others see as perfectly fine...and quite a normal/or standard, operating procedure

Thought of the day.. how many of us would say no to a huge bonus?.. yet would it not depend on how much you need it?.. a moral issue?

Quotes from Article..

" Shadow business secretary Chuka Umunna said: "Stephen Hester( bank boss) has done a good job, but that's what most of us are paid to do in our usual jobs," he said.
"You receive a bonus if you've done something out of the ordinary."
Union leaders were livid. David Fleming, Unite national officer, said: "What planet does Stephen Hester and his banking chums live on? Taking almost £1 million from taxpayers' pockets as a bonus is offensive to every working person across the country."
Good points..
Fot the full article indicatiing the P.M's view.. check ThisisLondon online

ft..Cecile & Gaza Slim..

Gaza Slim.. ft Vybz Kartel..

Saturday 28 January 2012

Mis-adventures of an awkward black girl.. ep 12.. the decision..

A little Trivia..

So..Denise won Celebrity Big Brother.. that was a surprise..!

Personally.. Romeo was my winner... uber cool with impeccable manners...

The American actor.. Michael?... he seems so miserable!!
Enjoyable final show..


Ashley Walters Q&A.. enjoyable and available to read at the Guardian online

Big Bro...'Original Jah Youth Selector'...ft Morgan Heritage..

If I trace back my love of music, it possibly stems from the fact that my brother had a solid and varied record collection, was always drafted in to 'control' the gram when time came to entertain the adults.. and later on cemented his role as the 'selector' for Jah Youth Sound..
Everyday before he went out he would say to me
" don't touch my records!!".. yeah right...
.. everyday when he got back I was in his room playing those records till my hearts content..
He'd just shake his head... inspect them all, and curse if there were any scratches..

In fact, he bought me my 1st ever guitar; a bass guitar ( which I still have)as I had a passion for, and used to play the bass..
the coolest ever prezzy then!..

Anyway.. I feel a bit guilty now, having made fun of him recently over the 'fish bone affair'.. it took a turn for the worse and he had to go back to the hospital.. with a raging fever, abscess, infection, and is in alot of pain.. damn... not funny anymore
He's at this moment awaiting an operation.. so I'll be heading off shortly to see how he's doing..
He likes Morgan Heritage.. so... with no need to raid his collection anymore..
this is for him...

Thursday 26 January 2012


Mr know it all .. Kelly Clarkson.. tune

'Oh you think that you know me know me'.. cool line..


Sometimes in life we've just gotta trust that everything will be okay. That's things will maneuver around you until they are finally in place.. events and circumstances, even people at times..
Whatever the universe has ordained for you

While I waited for my brother to put his 'puffer' ( just can't leave it alone can I) jacket to one side, and enjoy his '1st 'ever' ( according to him) plate of hospital food, he handed me a book to read to 'while away the time'..

I can't remember what it was called, but it spoke of how we create our reality.. ( a conversation I have had quite recently with someone) and it spoke of self love, removing blocks, receiving and giving love, and self respect..

I have battled with the notion of how someone in perhaps, a developing country with no food or water could have created that reality, but I am beginning to have a much clearer understanding of the concept.
I have experience in my own life of how my visions of joy manifest in my reality..
and I'm sure they do so in the reality of others also..

Often we are able to create a clear vision when our minds are free from blocks or negativity..and, different things work for different people.. some people meditate.. some read.. others smoke

Why have I called this post Trust?
Because... I Trust.. right now.. I Trust..I choose to as it feels right.. I find that angst tends to be the result of an absence of it...
so this is me...today :)( yes.. all subject to change any time, depending on which Dawna's at the controls :-)

NB *I have struggled with it (Trust) in the past for, oh... so many reasons... but.. I'm pleased..as we seem to be coming to an understanding... trust me ( no pun intended... I don't take trust for granted... I think you need trust to love...

Although... I have heard others say they love someone or something but they don't trust them...or it

Andrew Tosh/Ky mani/..Peter

Andrew Tosh
the band sound great.

Andrew Tosh and Ky mani Marley

.. Peter

Fish tales...

My poor bro, he got a fish bone stuck in his throat and had stay overnight in hospital.
I went to see him this evening and I told him to stop... ‘carping’ on... that no one gave a ‘cods’ wallop about his pain... told him to be quick as mum made ‘fish’ tea for him.. and further more.. he needed to get his ‘skate’s on .. as I wanted to get back to my ‘plaice’... to relax hehe

Awww..I’ve run out of fish tales already... he’s okay so I feel I can now tease him a bit..
Finally I can tease him over something

Tales of the unexpected...

As life’ chugs’ along, every so often something comes along, or happens to jolt our senses.
You may not have seen it coming, but it arrives and you have to deal with it.
I think it’s during those times that we’re able to showcase the best of us, or the worst of us
It’s during those times that your senses are on full alert
How we deal with things is our choice..
choices are sometimes hard to make
Prior to making choices it sometimes helps to look at the outcome you desire
Pain now pleasure tomorrow
Pleasure now, pain tomorrow

However...the unexpected can be a blessing in disguise.. it's not always a bad thing


Remember finishing schools?
Can a woman run classes on manhood?
A man on womanhood?

now that would be unexpected perhaps..

Wednesday 25 January 2012

Captains log; stardate 25/01/12

I've landed on an unfamiliar planet...

When it’s quiet like this I get a chance to think and reflect. Not sure if that’s always a good thing (it's not) but it’s a thing.. i do.. regardless.
Speaking of things ..they don’t always go according to plan, case in point.. I had a visit from my bro, and ended up taking in the history of the black panther party, the ego and the id, prosperity churches, and a whole lot more..
Where he stores all this information , god only knows
Still, I was at least able to keep up... to a point.

I’m looking forward to the weekend.. it’s been a long week.. I’m tired, and I’ve had enough
yes, bring on the weekend.. let me sleep for two days
I feel a few days leave on the horizon..

Oh no!!.. don't abdicate..

A guy said to me today that feminism has created a malfunction of male female relationships

Said that men are being reduced to nothing.. wanted to reclaim his place as the head of a household.. to be respected...

'Everybody's' eating Kentucky now..

There was a time when a lot of women used to say they didn’t want ‘British born black men’. They’d say they wanted a ‘Caribbean man’ as they were more loving, hard working, willing and able to cook, not afraid to rub your feet after a long day or massage your back, they’d get up early in the morning and work all day, were great providers, loyal, disciplined, were happy to take care of the children, (even those who were not his own) and were great in bed.

Following on from that, there seemed to be quite a few ‘mixed’ marriages... lots of men from Jamaica marrying ‘British girls’.
Of the women I know who have tried a ‘mixed marriage’ ... those ‘ qualities’ that were initially there in abundance... faded away..for many of these men, suddenly became very British indeed.. with a love of Kentucky to rival any Brixtonian or Hackney-ite

Things have changed a bit.
The Carribean has changed alot..

Nowadays... very few people seem to love home cooking, with hard food like green bananas, dasheen and yam...
Caribbean men are not necessarily the ‘early rising’’ hard working dudes of old... if they ever were... fact is... it could have been nought more than a fairy tale
Men are men... the world over right?

But it’s not just women who have made that 'mistake'
A ‘mate’ of mine wanted a ‘sweet girl from Nigeria’... so off he went in search of his bride... found a 'pretty virgin' and married her.
Back in the UK and within months, that was on the rocks... she was more into £££'s and pence... than '££ded yam'...
He couldn’t afford her demands ( he didn't earn enough)... she was no ‘village girl’ at heart... she wanted the bling from London to LA

(But to be fair.. that's the 'package' he sold when he was out there)
Oh how we can get it wrong

I feel a little sorry for the women who have married these men because they love them, and selfishly , a lot of these men only really have one thing in mind... passport. So all the love... time and effort they bestow on these men is wasted...

Suspect they may be thinking.. hmmm. maybe the 'fish and chip guy' wasn't so bad after all .. would have saved on the plane fair.. at least

Tuesday 24 January 2012

Voicemail.. nice tune/soft times soft people, tough times tough people..

My eyes are fighting to stay open.. I am particularly tired this evening, but I have managed to engage my brain and study.. this song woke me up a bit.. gave me a new boost of energy..
The dramas in Celebrity Big Brother had me gripped last night.. 1st episode I'd seen since the launch and boy was that something...
Denise Denise... somebody give that woman a hug... pronto!
Romeos doing well... how cool is he?.. nice chap

I've had a few weeks off from the study of race and ethnicity ( not, I'm sure, that anyone would have noticed.. as it tends to crop up in my conversations anyway) but I'm back and committed to my deadline.. it's actually more complex than one would expect.. but very interesting.. which I will duly share when the time comes..


Not sure what the crime statistics say but there seems to be an increase of violent crime.. or at least there's the perception of an increase..
times are tough.. and the pressure is biting... when it bites.. people bite..snap.. so what could turn that bite around?

There are times when I catch myself sounding like a Tory.. taking a slightly harder line on the plight of some, than even I would normally expect of me..
Sometimes I wanna scream at job seekers... or 'the poor' 'the disadvantaged' ( or any one who may 'fit' any of those negative labels 'we' place on others...) no words... just a scream... like a dolphin perhaps.. in the hope that they get the message I'm trying to convey..

"eekkeeekekkekkekkkeekk"... or some such..

I hope they hear, and believe me when I say that they hold more power and control over their own lives than they may at first believe
Perhaps some of us need to exit the victim mentality and rediscover the inner strength we posses... I have been as guilty as the next man or woman... depending on the circumstances.. and there are times when I've unwittingly encouraged it in others also... thinking I was being kind or supportive.. not realising that in reality, I was perhaps helping to keep them stuck.. in a negative cycle..
Still.. when you know .. you can do something about it

Left or right

There are times when I'm less tolerant I guess... of excuses.. which makes me wonder if anyone could ever have a total and absolute political affiliation..

You may lean further one way or another, but depending on the situation it may call for a completely different approach .. hmmmm
Just so you know though... I'm not a Tory

Have a nice eveningx

Monday 23 January 2012

Thought of the day; Lesbians... why the strap on?

Does that not go against the fundamental core of lesbianism..

Thought of the day 2;

Nigeria's president..Good luck Johnathan.. is someone having a laugh or is that his real name? ( reckon he could do with a whole lotta luck right now...)

Thought of the day 3;

'You always hurt the ones you love'... really?... why?

Enjoy your day x

Sunday 22 January 2012

I'm a Survivor ...Peetah Morgan..

Hard to watch or read certain things and not be moved by 'mans' ability to survive over overcome great adversity..

"Dem a marvel"
"African soil ina me blood... can't forget the land me love!"

Great tune Peetah.. 'Black survivor'
My SMS post today is about love for humanity...x

Crisis in the Congo

Documentary quote.. "Congo is one of the worst places in the world to be a woman or a girl"

I came across this documentary last night, found it shocking, insightful, and very informative.

Four years ago I was relatively ignorant of the plight of the Congo, and to some extent still am, but I'm learning..
I've been reading about King Leopold's brutal tactics in the Congo, and many of the more recent atrocities began to click into place... brutality is learned.. no excuses.. but it sheds light on many aspects of torture

see the colonization of the Congo documentary

To be honest there's a large part of me that still doesn't get it.. how human beings can treat each other in such a appalling way.. and I struggle and shudder to think it may all be down to the pursuit of money and wealth

Anyway.. this is the documentary should you wish to know a little more..
* warning contains very graphic scenes of death and violence*

See also.. The Assassination of Patrice Lumumba

Saturday 21 January 2012

Seeing the softer side of the Iron Lady...

I never expected to be moved to tears watching the Iron lady but I was... several times in fact. It’s a good film, made me feel quite emotional..

Usually when a film ends I get up straight away, but this time I just kinda sat there for several minutes... it made me think... and it definitely made me feel something.
It’s very much a film about loss as it is politics.

There’s a great line where she says something like .. . ‘it used to be about doing something.. now... it’s about being someone’.. and that spoke volumes of today’s society I thought.
Obviously I won’t spoil it for anyone that wants to see it and hasn’t yet but that great quote crops up in it..

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny"..

Whether you agreed with her policies or not, M.T is a woman who had the courage of her convictions...said what she meant and stood firm in her beliefs.
I admire that quality in her

At a conservative party conference

As a young mum

As Margaret Thatcher..the 'Iron lady'

Movie treat.. The Harder They Come.. ft Jimmy Cliff.. enjoy x

Peter Tosh.. fools die ( for want of wisdom)

This song features at the end of Life & Debt the documenatry.. which I hope you had time to watch..

Not many scenes can make me tearful but that one really does..
It's well worth the watch...

Thought of the day.. self determination

Everyone should have the right to self determination..
Yet the reality is very different
The reality is that most people are controlled by events or restrictions outside of themselves... which they had no say in, or over...

Self determination is currently under economic control.. where money is king..

To poor people.. especially those in developing countries, money equals freedom..
they can go, or send their children to school, buy clothes/shoes/toiletries, buy a home... live a little, travel, and see the world.. they can escape the violence of their parameters... purchase health care..

People with money tend to desire more money... but mainly the desire is to keep hold of it... money for the rich equals defence.
But where defence is required.. has real freedom been achieved?

Every one has the right to self determination
But self determination... can be like sand through the fingers....

Slavery and property..

The black inheritance cannot compete with the inheritance of slavers , plantation owners, and colonisers.
‘What inheritance?’... one could say.
On the backs of slaves and slavery... is the inheritance of many... and not just a few...
Watered down now... so one may not think of the legacy of slavery that made it all possible
Black African Caribbean slaves..

Subjugated by every other nation with a desire or lust for cruelty, oppression , power and control. In the Caribbean where apartheid still exists is the sense that some people still believe that black inhabitants should, or deserve to be treated less fair than the Chinese Indian, or white populations, and the idea of a meritocracy can be laughed out of town...
So what did slaves pass down to their children?
Well I guess it would be anything the slave owner may have passed to them...
Most significant of which would be a very warped sense of self
Old colonial properties littered throughout the Caribbean are a reminder of that fact

Apartheid in the Caribbean needs to be tackled ... it often goes unnoticed... as the people struggle to maintain ... life....food ,clothes, and shelter... well... some people anyway...

Life & Debt... Effects of IMF in the Carribean.. spotlight.. Jamaica

The Techniques...ft W. Riley productions..

Winston Riley... the Stalag Riddim..

Producer of the Stalag Riddim and Tenor Saw's ring the alarm; Winston Riley died last Thursday; reported as a result of complications following a gunshot wound to the head

R.I.P Winston Riley 22/10/54 - 19/1/12

Loneliness... and the Elephant Graveyard..

There is something quite romantic about the legend of the elephant graveyard .
Elephants who reach the end of their days.... who wander off to die... alone

People can be a little like that I think..
The disconnect isn’t necessarily physical, but emotional/spiritual
We do it not only to prepare to die, but to prepare... to live
We are reminded each day of the frailty of life, and how quickly it can be gone

There are times when you need to retreat, in order to fully live in the present
It’s almost like pausing time, just long enough to be able to feel something... other than rushing from place to place, person to person, duty to duty, expectation to expectation, all the while..amidst all that rushing around exists... the real us
So do we ever really know anyone... even ourselves? when our lives move without us?
What we know is a little...(or some things) and it can be fun discovering the rest...
In can be painful if you’re sent on a wild goose chase... or are deceived... even if you deceive yourself
So...older elephants... wise and respected...
Is that anything like mans elders?
Is the wisdom our elders possess relevant to modern day life...

Perhaps unlike elephants..wisdom doesn’t always come with age at all...
Some people reach a point and that’s it... they either refuse to learn anymore, are suppressed by their environment, or maybe it’s just not their calling...
Our unwise elders will just need our care... our comfort.. our love
They were young once.. and when all is said an done.. it is what it is.. at sometime in their life they would have made a great contribution... more often than not .. it went unnoticed...

So.... people wander off to die... others to live
Either way there is a process of separation
When god called Moses to Mount Sinai he gave him the 10 commandments..

My point?... even when we think we’re alone .. we’re never really alone, but what we learn from out ‘perceived’ solitude can benefit not only us.. but those among us
Listen out for your calling... sometimes life gets so noisy we just can't hear it...so... go somewhere quiet

Friday 20 January 2012

Benefits caps?....

If someone were to say that a household received £26,000 worth of benefits , to many, that may sound like an awful lot..

Maybe, some get a little more...

However, it is worth remembering that claimants actually see very little of that, and live on an average of about £67 per week for a single unemployed person over 25...but what then will need to come out of that is electricity, food, transport costs, gas, clothes and anything,and everything else ..the rest will be paid directly on housing benefit, and council tax benefits etc

My point is... it’s not really a lot of money..

What I would say is that ... it’s something...

It's alleged that at present , the government ( as part of the welfare reform bill) wants to put a cap on household benefits at £26.000

There are those who say benefits end the incentive for claimants to find work, but I’m not sure if that’s true...
Benefits enable people to survive... people who without it... would suffer greatly
Still...they were never intended to remove the desire for a person to find work... to remove the motivation, the self respect that people often gain from working...
(so if that has happened, it does need addressing)

Yet I’m still not quite sure it is 'the benefits' that do that.

It may make it easier, but the real barriers to employment are often emotional and psychological
Yes we have barriers such as low skills, no qualification illiteracy, not being able to afford to survive on a salary offered etc... But again, that's not about benefits...
There are times when it feels as though we are witnessing the creation of modern day ‘workhouses’ where labour is essential to receive 'welfare'... and tales I’ve heard of workhouses are usually unpleasant..
Oddly enough... many people in receipt of benefits would love nothing more than to be off them...

Brainwashing.. scapegoats and abuse

What causes any person to truly believe their child, or any child is 'possessed' and the cause of their own personal misfortune..
I find stories like this particularly disturbing..

Often people are brainwashed and manipulated to such an extent that they then go on to carry out some horrendous acts...
Preachers of hate.. really should be given a wide birth...

Apparently this form of child abuse is on the rise because of the economic downturn..
I have a feeling it's probably quite rife in certain quarters and has just been a little more hidden than of late ( if it is on the rise at all)

Those poor defenseless children..

Story child abuse tied to witchcraft

I long for the day people put a stop to these things... beliefs that ruin young lives.. sad..

Fridays special song.. x

Yes he has some very nice songs.. this is a particular fav.. enjoy x

Tuesday 17 January 2012

Racism: A History..

Part 2

Part 3

Lionel Richie..

We hold these truths to be self evident... submission...

I love the United States Declaration of Independence
I love the United States..


“Wives submit to your husband’s as to the lord”. Ephesians 5:22
I suspect most of us are familiar with this verse..

Well....women ask me about this... a lot...

It means so many things... to so many people...
A girl I know will not question her hubby at all even though she caught him at it with another girl...and even though he says he can’t wait for his ‘stay’
Extreme?... no... it really isn’t

The thing is some men like to be dominated, others like to dominate, and the same applies to women
If being submissive irks every fibre of your being then chances are that it's not for you
However, I would say that when a wife submits, it’s important to know what or who she’s submitting to..
Are you proud to have him represent you, do you honour and respect this man?
How do you show him you respect him?
Also... being submissive doesn’t mean being disrespected... or that you have no voice, or no contribution to make?

A husband and wife really should complement each other
truly love each other
Equality doesn’t equal same... we know that...
What I feel is that a wife, and a husband, need to ‘get’ each other
And truthfully I think most women would like to hold their husbands in high esteem.. although you have the odd few that like to bad mouth the hell out of them... and in some cases even beat them, emasculate them, and use their balls as car accessories...
But then... each to their own...

There’s someone for everyone...

I hold these truths to be self evident..
Viva USA

A world without scriptures...

Who would we be if there were no scriptures?
No religious texts, no guides to life.. nothing..
How would be treat each other?...explain and explore our feelings? ...manage our emotions... negotiate our way through life..

I like to think that my innate sense and sensibilities would steer me right..
I like to think that each of us has everything we need right here... within.. if only we would listen.. and allow ourselves to feel
Truth is.. I think we drown out our spiritual senses, much in the same way we rarely see stars in the sky anymore

There are times when I have felt that our religious teachings be they from the Koran or the bible, have enabled many of us to shirk our responsibilities..

As if we can no longer think for ourselves, but need to be taught how to think, what to think and how to feel..
If the 'word' didn't tell us it was wrong to kill... would we kill whenever the feeling gripped us?
If the 'word' didn't advocate love .. would we hate everyone?
Are we a nation dependant on being told what and how to think?.. how to act... are we a mindless nation?... the living dead... spiritual dead... walking blindly through life.. until.... errr...death?

Early 'explorers' who carved up places such as Africa clearly felt that without the 'word' natives would continue to roam as savages .. eating each other.. and so on, and perhaps,...to be fair there's an element of truth to that
For these texts do provide wonderful guidance and teachings for those who need it most..
For who could we trust to do right by us, if left to their own 'animalistic' devices
I would say we all need it... perhaps to varying degrees.... but we all need it..

All of us require, comfort hope, guidance, to gain strength, and in the times that we live in, it's not always readily available from everyday people we meet...

Still, I personally like to think that everyday people I come across, have a story ( which they willingly share) where I learn a great deal..
I learn about them, I learn about me .... and I learn about this world we live in

There are times when I'm shocked when I hear certain stories of how one person has treated another.. but that occurs less and less now... I'm more disgusted than shocked.. then I find I have to gather myself, and try to put it into perspective... as in... ( it's their journey.. god has lessons for all of us)
Still.. even in my professional capacity there are times when I wanna say' F***in' h**.'.. he or she did what!?!.. they said What!?!)

( What does concern me somewhat is that if I roll my eyes inwardly anymore, they may just roll out of my freakin' head and expose me !.. but....still...)
I say .. nothing...
For I recognise that it's important to feel free to express yourself without fear of judgement... that sometimes we just need a listening ear.. ( we all need that at times)

No, I don't need the bible to tell me when I feel pain.. when I feel love.. when I feel joy.. anger.. or any of those human emotions we are all subject to..
But in the absence of true spirituals 'leaders' I may need scriptures, simply to guide my way
Yes... I appreciate that...

* by the way... in an unrelated matter...I have some sort of technical glitch that means I'm unable to respond to comments made on posts at the moment... thank you for all your comments... as usual I take them all in.. and hopefully I can sort this situation outxx

Monday 16 January 2012

the early bird...

Gosh I've been up for what seems like ages!!

I've alot on this week so maybe that's why... I'm either fully energised to deal with it all, or a nervous wreck incapable of relaxing..
Still .. it's said the early brid catches the worm an all that...

I have a very important Uni appointment this week and am looking forward to it, but I know that I need to prepare myself fully beforehand, and not take my oodles of charm for granted!! ( did I just say that :-)... (who says oodles!?!) .. seriously.. who says this stuff...hmmm. perhaps someone low on sleep...I jest of course

My aim is to have a happy and positive week
( oops..previously when I've said say that... I've posted a captains log shortly after proclaiming my life is over.. so let's hope this is not a precursor to that lol)

No, It's okay..

I wish you all a great week, doing whatever you do..
whatever you do , do it well, do it with style, do it with grace.... and I'll do my best also..

Enjoy your day...

Catch you later sleep-ples.... x
( actually it's not that early anymore :-))

Sunday 15 January 2012

I'm sensitive...

Yeah i’m sensitive
It’s how i know when you’re hurting and need comfort
Yeah I’m sensitive
It’s why I feel the pain of others.. and why I don’t celebrate in the midst of your heartbreak
Yeah I’m sensitive
It’s how i’m able to sense mis truths and take precautions to guard against evil intent
Yeah I’m sensitive
It helps me to care
Helps me to create
Yeah I’m sensitive
You see it as a fault
Sometimes I see it as a fault
But it's a way of being
For the opposite of sensitive is insensitive...

I can be insensitive
Damn ...I can be anything you like
Still... it’s not my default position
I’m hard wired to... sensitive
Sometimes I hate it
Sometimes it keeps me up at night
Will it be the sources of my demise
Will it gnaw away at my soul like dry rot
Will I be hated for it
Loved despite it
Will I be re branded as touchy and given a wide birth
And why do sensitive people attract insensitive people
Do we need each other
I hope not
For that would be one of those jokes our angels like to play at our expense
Yeah I'm sensitive..
But then there's worse things I could be...

Cocoa Tea.. = some nice memories...

R.I.P the black community?...

Gone but not forgotten...

These are the words I suspect many of us would utter should we ever be required to pay tribute to that which was
Whist there are still signs of life to be found.... certain elements flatlined a long time ago...
Destroyed... from the inside out

Are you aware there are still many misconceptions held by black men about black women and visa versa..
Destructive to relationships, and cyanide to the foundation of family, of community, society...

Round and 'round it goes in perpetual motion, gathering pace, but not truth
No longer able to seek solace in each other, pleasure is sort in the purchase of goods

Ever-changing goods that depreciate in value... for true value, must be found within.
What once did unite now divides, and what once did divide now unites
We live in Topsy turvy land..
Constantly seeking signs of life, where there is none
And killing signs of life wherever there is...

Cowardice has taken the place of bravery, and often it's deemed foolish to be brave
Where shall we go from here...
Shall we continue to hide in the church?.. it's getting rather crowded in there..

Where shall we go from here?
Well ... the resurrection? .. perhaps...

Let us pray...

The Carnivore...

Once upon a time in the Town of Chad, there lived an old man.
( Well... he looked like an old man.. truth was .. he was only 35!!)

Anyway... this 'old' man lived at the top of a very large hill in a very large house all alone.
He hated company. He had no wife, girlfriend children or friends. In fact, the local children used to tease him relentlessly, and the more they teased... the more bitter he became. Yes... he was a bitter, fat, man, who enjoyed nothing more than the eating of meat.
He ate meat for breakfast, meat for lunch, and meat for dinner
He was a carnivore, and his name was ... Peter.

One day the Towns Mayor announced that there was to be no more eating of meat. It had become apparent to him that livestock numbers were dwindling, and the people of the town were becoming fatter and fatter, and lazier and lazier.
So, over the loud speaker the Mayors voice boomed

“ As of this day... it is forbidden to buy, sell, or eat any meat..
Only fruit and vegetables will be permitted, until I deem it no longer necessary!”
There was a loud gasp, as the Towns-people all thought the same thing...

‘Rahtid... what the f*** will happen to the carnivore!?!” ( ahem...if you’re re-telling this story to children you may perhaps wish to leave out the swearing)... ‘yes' they gasped... 'what the f*** will happen to the carnivore!’
Well... It wasn’t long before news travelled up the big hill, and the screams from this rotund man could be heard for miles around... for days....

Anyway... the days and nights passed with no sign of him, until eventually he ventured down the hill and to the stores..
He tried to bribe the butcher to sell him ‘black market' meat... but there was none..
Instead, he bought a bag of onions.
In the second store, his tears failed to work, and he was forced to buy a bag of vegetables...
Up the hill this lonely and forlorn fat man walked...
Once inside he made himself a pot of soup... it wasn’t the same.. but after days of this, he actually began to like it..
“ Hmmm!!” he slurped.. “ this isn’t half bad!!”
The weight began to fall of this fat man until he was the talk of the town, and women from far and wide, clambered to ask him out on a date

Months later the Mayor realised that his Towns-folk were no longer the fat f****s they once were and lifted the ban...
over the loud speaker he proclaimed... " You may all eat meat again!!!"
But the carnivore, realising how his life had changed for the better, decided... he no longer needed or wanted to eat meat... and never ever visited the butcher again

The end....

The moral of this tale... change can be scary and painful, but given a chance could potentially enhance your life in ways you would have never thought possible

Sh** girls say...

The guys?...

The blame game..boys 2 men...

The question "what’s going on with our youths” comes up from time to time in my world
And often 'we' kind of blame the youths indirectly, for their lack of care, selfish and heartless behaviour, and what appears to be inhuman actions, with no regard to consequences
I’m going to give you two examples of why I’m less tolerant of that question when it’s coming from certain men in particular.
and why I may be a little more frank in my responses than I have been in the past..
which may or may not make me relatively unpopular...

True story 1

I was at a bus stop last year... when a man I’ve known from my younger day’s approached me with the same old lust filled eyes (boring)... and began to ask (my body) what it’s been up to..
Anyway... I’m skilled (fairly) in the art of deflection so led him to speak about his day and where he was off to...
He went on to tell me that his 'baby mothers' lived in the area he knows me from..
I said "that’s nice!"... "do you see them often?"
He flicked his hand as if swatting a fly and said "ME!! Narrrr man... them all too big for that now... I can’t be bothered with all that!"
I know this guy... truth is... he has never been bothered

True story 2

Another man I’ve known in passing over the years stopped to talk to me... same kind of hopeful look (you think they’d know by now... move along) and I asked him if he’s seen his son lately
"Yeah!", he said... "I saw him just last week... him alright!"
I know his son... and dare say have spent more time with him over the years than his own father ever did...
At the time of our conversation his son had been in prison well over a year...
That man didn’t have a clue!!
and I dare say.. didn't give a shit...

So...what’s going on with our youths?...
Sometimes...you don’t need to look very far to find the answer to that question

NB... Please note I have never dated any of these men... never would never did...


On a side note..
Walked past a guy in the week who was bent down tying his shoe laces.. as I walked past he shouted with a growl and much venom...
“METHADONE!!!.. you c**ts.. should effin kill the lot of ‘em!!

I sped up... Hackney ... god loves ya!!...

Romance is king....happy SMS x

For my SMS post today I want to talk about romance

I know a few women that have told me they would like their men to be more romantic
Men!!.. What’s up with that?...

The myth is... that black men are not romantic... and black women (many) tend to see white men as being more romantic, tactile and expressive..
Well...I can hereby proclaim that ... ladies... that is not the case... as I may just have stumbled across the most romantic man on the planet..

Anyway... to be fair..
I could argue that those with economic security can afford to be more romantic, and there’s nothing romantic about being broke... but I guess that would be to imply, generalise ,and to further fuel the stereotype that all black men are broke
That is not what I’m saying...
What I am saying is that economically... historically, life has, and in many cases is, tougher for black men. Why?... well because racism , hit’s the wallet... hard
Still ... I digress

Back to romance..
Romance need not cost a lot of money...
It can be as simple as writing a love letter, or going for a romantic walk in the park...
Yet, I would also say that as women... we could try and be a little more romantic too...
Please bear in mind there is a big difference between romance and sex...
Seems to me that the latter is used as a default position... and I think is often a bit of a lazy excuse for passion, romance, and love

Being in love is a gift
It’s an amazing feeling when you meet someone who you wish to share your life with
It’s to be enjoyed... everyday
And not... to be taken for granted...

What's the point of this tale?... well....if you love someone, show it.... that's romance x

Nature vs nurture...why some mums may be fighting a losing battle...

Now I’m not saying like father like son
But damn... any man I know that spent their youth ‘running the street’ has at least one boy that’s living the same life...
Oddly enough, these boys haven’t even grown up with their fathers... and in one case in particular, he barely knew him
Yet it’s as if he’s just an incarnation of his father before him
No matter how his mother pleads and talks, it lands of deaf ears... yeah... just like his father before him...

There are some hard working mums out their fighting what seems like a losing battle... the battle of nurture... Vs nature...
It’s too easy for youngsters to get caught up on the streets nowadays... the lure of money (it’s not easy money) but ... the lure of an income at the very least, regardless of whether or not they completed GCSE’s or any other qualifications... the lure of the respect they receive from their peers, especially if and when they have never received it anywhere else..
And then there’s the chance to stick two fingers up to a society that seems to care very little about them

Plus...they look at their fathers...
If they couldn’t... then what chance they?
How we gonna break that cycle?... I think it’s in the hands of women to some respect... why?
Because despite running the street and being some of the most notorious womanisers I’ve ever seen ... these guys were never short of a woman or two... or three.. or more... to run to .. Each one supplying a warm bed, warm body, and food...
( granted.. sometimes these men were skilled and very accomplished liars.. but not always.. sometimes the women knew)

So...why should they ever change... life is sweet on the ‘worthless side of town’ damnn... Maybe if I were a bloke I’d be tempted myself... but no
There is always a down side... and these guys all had something in common... they lacked foresight... ( among other things)
The guys I knew then that opted for that lifestyle have nothing now... no steady girl... no income... nothing but a ‘habit’ ‘bad teeth’, and a faint look in their eyes that says ‘they were somebody ...once’
They quite often look like crap in need of a good bath, and some TLC... will they get it?... who knows...
One thing’s for sure... their legacy is often a whole lot of strife for the women who bore them children...
Sons in particular

Mothers living in the shadow of fear
Fear that any day they could receive ‘that knock on the door. ..
The knock that carries news that their son is in prison or dead.. no ...scrap that... police don’t visit to say your son is in prison... once they reach a certain age... they become public property in the eyes of the law.. no... they’ll only knock in search of.. or to inform of... the latter

Yes... it's funny how cool loses it’s appeal


Wednesday 11 January 2012

Cover Drive.. Twilight

Must confess just how much I like this track :).. always makes me feel great!!
have a nice day x

Peter Tosh.. things I miss

Some days I miss Peter Tosh....
Just as there are some days I miss my father
there I times when I miss the nature of hope and what it stood for
the nature of honesty and what it stood for
the nature of trust and what it stood for
the desire to be great
and to strive for oneness
and what that stood for
The nature of sisterhood
and what it stood for
Self respect
and what it stood for
love and understanding
and what it stood for
There are times when I look out and miss seeing those things
Wonder if I ever saw them or it it were a mere illusion
Often it seems safer to live within the confines of oneself
Yet who would miss out on all that life has to offer
The sun
The moon
The stars
Well many people do
People who are just... tired
People who recognise that true happiness is created in our interactions and treatment of others
Yet you cannot give
You cannot know
What you are ignorant of
or do not possess
My dad used to say..
Those who know better do better
Yet we live in a time where the opposite is now true ( sorry dad)
Those who know better
Do worse
Justified behind a web of excuses
Of denial
Self obsession
Stuck behind a wall of pain
Hidden by a mask of joy
We are responsible for the suffering of our people
Still we trudge blissfully on
Oblivious to the law of karma
Of Newton's law
As we care not
and no longer see it's value
Some days I just miss Peter Tosh...
Don't you?

Saturday 7 January 2012

Turn me on.. Flavour...

Love this tune... so cool...

Funny how music can transcend a language barrier... 'Thank god':-).. feeling this tune...love his music very much..

Mis- adventures of an awkward black girl episode 11...

I've quite enjoyed this series...

Thought of the day; all's fair in love and war?... perhaps only for the victor...

Mary J.. no more drama
This video almost belies the joy I feel at the moment.. yet I'm so drawn to this song.. i've always loved it.. Mary's a real cool artist ..
Very real..
I guess the thing is to remember is tough times can come to an end..

1st step I guess is to make a conscious choice to actually want them to end
Joyous as I may be .. right now there are those who are not so fortunate
Heads up soldiers.. keep fighting.. whoever.. and wherever, you may be

Have a great day y'all.. stay blessed.. stay happyx
The weekend is upon us..

Friday 6 January 2012

The price of 'beauty'...

The UK black hair industry is currently worth about £32bn, and is predicted to grow by at least 24% in 2012

Don’t ask me how much the nail industry is worth but, I would suspect it's doing quite well also.
Now I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had someone say to me they cannot afford music lessons or extra tuition for her child/ or children, but yet... money can seemingly be found for the hair and nails...

Looking good or the desire to look good I would say is inherent in us females perhaps more so than men, although I realise that’s a generalisation...
and I would argue that it is important for ones self esteem and self respect no doubt.. ( Yes... I too, desire to appeal.. sometimes!! :)) )

Still...today I met a lovely woman from Jamaica, who is doing all she can to fill her daughters evenings with activities, music sports... you name it.
It was refreshing... and very sweet

It made we wonder whether our investment in certain areas is skewed to appease our vanity, to the detriment of our children’s development.
After all...what matters more?
Because the sad fact is, with over 50% of black women remaining single, or as un-married mothers, it appears that despite ‘looking good’, we women are either not attracting the right men... or someone ‘up there’ .. Is ‘avin’ a bubble bath....!?!’

Stumbled across this article... found it interesting... Especially the bit about treating boyfriends like husbands

Thought of the day: you want fresh coconut water?... crack a coconut!!... some times shit gets messy.. ' life'.. great tune!!! TGIFxx

Thursday 5 January 2012

The I am... random thoughts..

I'm always reminded that the only person I have any real control over is me.

That as people, it's futile to request trust, honesty, compassion and openness when living in a climate of fear..
Of selfishness..
Of cynicism..
Of bitterness..
That trust, really is a leap of great faith,
Yet when you act from a place of love... that's what really matters

deep down

We do have a responsibility (I believe) to each other..
not to cause willful harm or hurt, but to try to communicate who we are, openly, and honestly
Damage limitation I guess...

I'm always reminded that the I am is of great importance
Knowing exactly who I am, requires the ability to listen, learn and make the occasional mistake/s
Yet... to be true to yourself I believe also brings great rewards

Maybe not straight away... but one day...

Hmmm.. about that Tweet Diane...

Truth is... the ‘black community is not one big homogeneous group’
There is much diversity that exists, with its rich mix of cultures, history and attitudes. We do, however, share something in common... our blackness... our history.. and racism. Hence... the ‘black community’.

I understand what Diane speaks of when she talks about divide and rule...
David Starkey did it when he commented that if he closed his eyes and just listened to David Lammy he would have thought he ( Lammy) was a white man... (Unlike the ‘thick and savage blacks’ he’s accustomed to? ... an ideal that exists in his mind, and I’m sure the somewhat warped minds of others like him)

What Diane has missed is the fact that ‘divide and rule’ no longer needs any outside encouragement. No...that now occurs all on its own.. well..what I mean is, it’s internal.. and external

It occurs whenever our black politicians/leaders say colour is not important
It occurs when ever black people classify themselves not as black per se... but middle class?.. seemingly oblivious to the fact that colour is a major factor for many unemployed and in some cases incarcerated males and females... (who in reality give or take a pound or two.. are not too dissimilar to them)... oblivious to the tentacles of racism ready to engulf them should they step out of line, or face an unfortunate or unplanned life set- back
It occurs whenever we have to endure the boring headlines that imply African children do better than Caribbean children... and the disgusting accusatory implications it engenders
It occurs whenever a black man fails to take care of his children
It occurred when knife crime and gun crime was given a colour and assigned its own special unit in the Met.. to deal not with crime.. but ‘black on black crime’ (Operation Trident)
It occurs whenever low paid jobs are over populated with black and ethnic minority workers
It occurs whenever that bleaching crème hits the face and hands
Shit... I guess what I’m saying is... it occurs

Yes it was a favourite tool of colonisers, and the shattered pieces of the Africa continent and the African phyche are still in disarray to this day
Diane ‘s not a racist... but we live in a time where to say anything even close to the truth causes an outrage
I believe the tweet was taken out of context, but if we pride ourselves on openness and free speech then surely... we should let it be

what's this all about?... Diane Abbots Tweet... some people think she should resign


*okay... it's not something I would have said ... one reason being ( among others) because it sounds unpleasant... however... like many things.. it's not necessarily what you say but how you say it... and it's also a matter of intent... the intent behind what's said...as the beatles sang...let it be*

You da one .. :)x Rihanna

Wednesday 4 January 2012

How far a parents love...?

How far would you go to protect your children?
Would you lie if needs be to protect them if you knew they were guilty of a crime?
Would you do their homework for them, if they had to hand in work you knew they would never complete in time... simply because they were lazy or perhaps disorganised?
Would you be a surrogate?... give birth to your own grandchild?

If it's important that each of us learn to take responsibility for our actions... are we doing more harm than good if as parents we continue to shield and protect our offspring, from the consequences of their own actions?

That car loan..
The mortgage down payment..
turning a blind eye to a sons or daughters philandering or bed hopping
Making excuses, where there should be none....

Is that love?
To block the path of self growth?.. to live in denial?

Monday 2 January 2012

Captains log.. Stardate January 2nd 2012...

After a short circuit we seem to be back on track. It’s the 2nd... whew!!... turbulence at high altitude can be scary stuff.
The solution? Fly closer to the ground you say? nah... nothing to fear in falling!, although yes... the higher you climb the harder you fall it would seem

I love that song by unstoppable fire... already my song for Jan... even though it came out way before.
The lyrics say so much... and I think it’s the most uplifting song I’ve heard for 2012... Yes it’s only the second... but I listen to a lot of music...

Again I have been reminded that there are some truly amazing people on the planet , and I have been fortunate enough to have met a few... some I’m almost in awe of... all... I have the most tremendous respect and love for
That respect and love, brought me through the turbulence, reignited a shaky start and reminded me of who I am
Who am I?
Well... i’m me... of course
On course
Feeling like a princess today... thinking like a queen

There exists no force greater than love
The navigator
No stumbling block so great it cannot be overcome...
and I'm grateful to have these people.. in my life..

Life lesson & No war riddim mix/s..

Sunday 1 January 2012

Rewind... 2011... 0-60

Okay... it's only the 1st of Jan', and my life has just descended eight flights down the fast track to 'hell'... somebody tell me a freakin' joke or something!

.. mankind can invent space travel but not a time machine!?!.. ironic.. as only 1 of those would be of any use... and it sure aint travelling to space ( although right now... I could be seriously tempted)
Merry Christmas... oh yeah... we did that already

Mean girls/guys?.. choose your friends wisely...

There are times when you don’t realise you are becoming the people around you. So, 2012 ...select the people around you with care...

If there was ever a film to drum that home it’s ‘Mean Girls’..
Yes I’m about a gazillion years late but I’d really never seen it before yesterday... funny film
Okay ... they may have been a bunch of young girls but the film offers up one of life greatest lesions. That is; If you spend time with a person or person/s long enough ( even if you’re not that keen on them) You can , and possibly will no probably will...., become them Which I guess is why groups of friends always seem to have lots in common...and that old saying.. ‘show me your company and I’ll show you who you are will weigh more heavily as a statement of fact rather than fiction
We know when we’re in the right place... we feel it

May 2012 be the year of sound choices, and cool companions

Happy New Year!

I can’t quite believe I’m up as early as I am today, but it many respects I see it as a sign that I'm keen to not waste the day, but to make the most of my time.

I’m sitting here over-looking the garden, and partially blocking out my grandsons extremely noisy keyboard ( which he will be taking home with him later!!:)) and am considering wrapping up warm, getting our there and making an early start, after all, it will not be long before spring is upon us, and my garden, (and enjoying its space) is as i'm sure you all know by now, very important to me
I had time yesterday to write up my yearly plan, all of which has helped to fuel me with optimism for the year ahead.
So...we are here... 2012.
Like with any plan it pays to stay focused, yet not with absurd rigidity as to miss any pleasant surprises along the way!
Some things will be *dependent on others, I know...as we are social beings and not designed necessarily for total isolation, but part of our quest is to find our spiritual, metaphysical, and romantic counterpart ( more commonly known as your partner) which can take time to get right,
Yet should (in my opinion) occur with almost total ease ( which goes against the grain of what is usually experienced in love relationships in reality... or so I’ve been told)
So I’m sure there will be rocky times ahead.. as there is during the course of every year.

However my request ( if I have one) is for guidance, protection, the wisdom, god’s love and bravery, to help me to handle whatever comes my way
To continue to study in earnest and proceed with unbridled confidence in my academic pursuits... and to have lots of fun along the way:)

I hope you all have a wonderful year.
Blessed with hope joy and love...
And as usual, I look forward to sharing with you...

As the title suggests... happy new year everyone x

* correction.. dependant on no one.. the trick is to make things happen for yourself regardless.. :).. what is to be