Tuesday 31 July 2012

Quick nanny take it now, as any minute Ti will want his hat back!!

Cool dude..

Last of the Mohicans..

"He'll have to wrestle me for it!!"...

A Hitchens vs Hitchens debate ( 2008)

Dawna's silly and random quotes of the day..x

Men were not really put of this planet to be understood.. but to be under...

A woman rarely struggles to make a decision as if it all goes wrong.. she can blame someone else

The greatest civilisations were uncivilised, civility is the mother of animosity

The greater the technological advancement in communications.. the less we say

(This was sent to me yesterday which I quite liked.. sorry for the small print hope you can read it!)

Cars Caps & Graduations

Its been four years since I’ve owned a car. Sometimes I miss it, other times not.
I walk a lot... why not.. I have the legs for it.

I’ll be honest and say I was becoming increasingly embarrassed by the last car I owned. The window had ‘disappeared’ somewhere down one panel, and so in it’s place was a nice black bin bag with brown tape ( sexy). The seats were ‘leather look’ black so in the summer they burnt your arse anytime you sat down and in the winter it was equally no joke.
I came home from work one day to be told by my son it had been towed away.. ( thank fuck for that I secretly thought) he asked if I wasn’t going to go and get it back and I laughed... No way!!!, saved me a job!.

My car before that was old too, but nice. It was a Vauxhall Astra. That got towed away eventually also but I did (almost) want to get it back.. but as it had begun to break down so much I thought better of it.

So.. I had a choice. I could either invest in a decent (as in new... or newish) car, or I could go back to study.
I decided to study...and yes... at that time I did have to choose.
So I waved goodbye to the lover of cars side of me, and two evenings a week after work that was what I did, study.
I enjoyed the company of other students as we fell asleep at times.. and laughed at our ‘madness’ on other occasions, as we’d be leaving uni late in the evenings in the cold winter and snowy months.
( much easier in the summer)

There we covered
Community action, Community development, Project management, War and developmental studies
Sociological, Psychological, and Political approaches to social conflict, Knowing the Social World (research), Issues in Local Governance and Government, Participation and Community Engagement, and Equality and diversity
And I pretty much had a great time.. it's gone by quicker than I could have imagined.

Will I remember it all?

But I believe I've absorbed enough to give me very good grounding in each subject area, and will be able to apply what I've learnt at the appropriate times in the appropriate ways.
I also have a number of books to continue to read and study to explore those topics which excite me, beginning to specialize and focus.

It’s not easy being an adult student.
So when I’m encouraging others to go back to study, I realise that for many it can be a big ask, a big step, and a huge commitment.
The reason/s it’s not a walk in the park for adults is partly because we have responsibilities, families, adult lives, work, and all the rest to juggle, and wear us out... (..and dare I say it but we may also feel a little rusty in the cranium department)

I kid you not, there was one particular module that every time I sat down and the lecturer began to talk, I began to drift off to sleep. It was soo relaxing. I felt terrible doing so but I really couldn’t help it.. I was very tired!.:)

Adapting my writing style was another ‘bug bear’. I would say I have more of a natural creative writing style, and to be honest I even think in a somewhat abstract way also, whereas academia can seem a little more rigid, but again… its all a part of the learning experience. A writer writes… a reader reads, as long as I’m understood.. It’s all good. ( and no that was not my dissertation style-e.. tempted as I was to write the entire thing using street slang vernacular!)

Anyway, long story short, I now have a graduation to look forward to.
After 4yrs I finally received my BSc (hons) Community Development & Public Policy.

If I were a drinker I'd have a drink.. but I'm really more of a thinker so I'll think..
(unless someone wants to buy me a baileys of course.. that's not really drinking is it :)

Saturday 28 July 2012

London's Olympic opening ceremony was GREAT!!

When I 1st heard about the green and pleasant land theme at first I thought .. boring.. and to be honest it took awile for me to get into it.. ( I think it was anticipation and over excitement) but it turned out to be a really amazing opening ceremony.
I enjoyed the industrial revolution segment, and it was interesting to see all nationalities working side by side.. Danny Boyle did a really great job with his creativity and artistic licence. In fact all involved did London proud.

Wonderful to see the construction workers lining the torch route into the stadium.. A little sad not to see a red double decker bus make an appearance.. but.. there was a red mini (love those cars)

The humour throughout was subtle and cool.
James Bond (Daniel Craig) going to the palace to pick up the queen... and later on the 'queen' jumping out of the helecopter with 007.. was so funny ( would have been even funnier if it really was her and she landed in the middle of the stadium )
Mr Beans face alone is hilarious so pretty much anything he does looks funny..

Becks looking cool as ever.. passed the torch to Sir Steve Redgrave

Muhammed Ali looked very frail, but it was fitting to have such a great sportsman feature in that way I thought.
Also nice to see the inventor of the WWW included.. how it's changed our lives huh.

The tribute to the NHS and children Literature were highlights for me, but the most amazing sight, was the cauldron, as I didn't expect it to emerge the way it did and that was quite breathtaking.

Anyway.. here are a few pictures..
Yay London!!!!

Thursday 26 July 2012

A Gangster a day..

I love films, don’t get to watch enough these days.
I love gangster movies. All that gratuitous violence and humour.
Don't like horror films though, although I did see one recently that was really funny and enjoyable.
What I enjoy most about gangster films is the dialogue.
The actors are top notch usually, but the way the language foul as it may be flows is like music.
Ordinarily I’m a chick flick kind of person mos def..
But sure do have a thing about gangsters. (on screen gangsters.. don’t get it twisted!)

My favs

The godfather

Lock stock

American gangster

Pulp fiction


Wednesday 25 July 2012

The trust vacuum..

Openness scares us.
It can feel unpleasant and uneasy... weird..
Yet ironically so can.. not being open

Openness can bring people together... yet it can also divide, so it’s a difficult concept...not always easy to gage right.
My feeling is divisions... develop in a trust vacuum.

Honesty can help to build trust... and it’s not easy to be honest and conceal things at the same time.
But all actions should really be rooted in love in order to achieve a successful outcome
It really is the answer to most if not all things
So why does openness scare us so much?
In our relationships with our partners we expect it, require it, demand it, argue over it. We acknowledge its importance to build a level of closeness.. do we not?
So, do we fear closeness also?
I’m not so sure. I know we need it.

Phobias .

Can often appear quite strange to those who don’t have them.
They can be relatively minor in that they don’t impact too much on a persons daily life, or quite major and debilitating.

Some are explainable.. or understandable... linked to a reasonable or rational fear.
Some may be be rooted in childhood.. others may develop later on in adulthood..
I don’t have too many... how about these?...

A load of pigeons.. even one is enough... yuck!!

Flapping about following you.. ooo.. not a fan of butterflies

Dont look down!!.. no never gonna be a penthouse chick methinks.. I love views but heights can be a little unnerving to say the least..

I've seen how bad it can be for someone with a serious lift phobia.. and its no laughing matter. on my own in a lift? .. I'm not so brave, especially if it's old. lets just say a little breath holding comes into play..

Not money folks.. no way.. but ironically.. dirty pennys..wash my hands alot.
( on a related note apparently every £20 note in circulation has traces of cocaine on it)

Monkeys...way too nimble for my liking.. These two look like a couple of gangsters. Hmmm.. smart.. and scary.

Dr. Amos Wilson

Dr. John Henrik Clarke -Jan 1,1915 — July 16, 1998

Tuesday 24 July 2012

Let her wash her hair oddball!!!.

Controlling boyfriends are not uncommon, neither are controlling girlfriends.
On the face of it, I see a desire to control as a lack of trust.. or perhaps a fear of something.. an insecurity perhaps, which in itself need not be sinister. Yet.. the outcome can be quite bizarre, and quite scary, and in some cases, tragic.
This is more about the bizarre.

The other day I was taking a walk to my local shop and I saw a woman I thought looked familiar so I smiled and said “hi”
She responded in kind and we entered the shop together
I realised up close I didn’t know her, but no big deal.. it was that kind of day.
She seemed to have seen me before though as she said “ Everytime you see me I bet I look upset don’t I?”
“ and are you ?” I asked
“Yes!” she remarked.
We laughed it off and I went my merry way to find chocolate and orange juice.
Anyway, a while later she found me at the back of the shop...
“there you are....!” she said... “ he doesn’t let me wash my hair!”
“What!?!”.. I knew the ‘he’ must have been her boyfriend immediately but ... ‘what!?!.’.. “Why?”
She didn’t answer
“So when do you wash it then?”
“I washed it before he got up this morning in secret.. see”.. she showed me under her hat.. nice clean looking plait- up ( old school style ) hair.
She went on to say that he takes her money also, and in the morning she’d have to get up really early to get to the post office, to pick it up before he could go with her and take it all.
All I could say was... look after yourself.. which is a stupid thing to say really.. meaningless...as everyone knows that anyway.
I think she was compos mentis but who knows... anyway...I know some pretty stable people who have had quite unpleasant controlling experiences...

I wondered why.. on gods green earth anyone would want to treat another person in this odd way.
Controlling is not that different to domestic violence. In fact.. it is a form of violence really.
Yet can any of us say we're not guilty of it in some way.. hopefully yes.
btw... asking someone to do the dishes.. or take out the bin doesn't count as those are simple requests


Monday 23 July 2012

Perhaps I should have been a lawyer... or a detective... they say

Growing up I was told (often) that I was mouthy.
My mum used to say... “Your mouth will get you into trouble”... well... ahem... it wasn't a mouth that did as it turned out ...but I know what she meant really... :)
I used to ask a lot of questions. I rarely got answers which used to infuriate me, as I couldn’t understand what the problem was. What was the secret?
My mum called me Mrs Whitten. After some alleged female TV detective no one has ever heard of (I think she made it up)
My dad (whose anniversary it is today) used to pat his nose, and smile.
In other words... mind your own business.

I was feisty to my brothers because they took the mick... and were feisty to me. My mouth and backchat was all I had. It was very effective. I learnt to cut them down with a few choice words. They would prefer to fight. Blah... whatever dudes.
I had no interest in either of those professions to be honest as I was wrapped up in other things, which at the time was athletics. I used to love running cross country, why?... because I could be alone with my thoughts... through the woods... long lonely...ish paths... with no one to bother me until I reached the home straight. Best feeling ever.

Back then... I was made to feel as though asking questions was wrong in some way. That standing up for yourself was wrong also... what was I supposed to do? get beat up!?!
So... I can be mouthy. But as I always say. I can be a lot of things.

Time has gone by quickly since my dad died.
I remember the day like it was yesterday.
I got a call from my brother and quickly met him at the hospital.
When I got to the room he was gone. Weird. Sad. Expected. Final.
My mum left the room for a minute (I can’t remember why) and I was alone with my dad, and I think I said something... i thought more than I said.. hoping he could hear me. I almost cried... but some nurse was watching me and that pissed me off, so I didn't cry at all.
When my mum came back, I went outside and sat with my bro on a bench at the front of Homerton Hospital. For a while we kinda sat in silence, It was real cool. We watched the people come and go and I remember thinking... ‘how life goes on’.
My bro said..."well... we won’t forget this day!.. It’s his Majesties birthday. (Emperor Haile Selassie) I remember saying "yeah... that’s true”. We went back to the room and my dads oldest friend arrived shortly after. I remember her reaction ... “He garn?”’ she said, and wobbled a bit kinda falling into a seat.
I felt real sorry for her. In fact ... more sorry for all the people who had shared a life with him than me.
You see, they knew my dad before perhaps I did. From back home, when he was a young cricketer... shoe mender..policeman..and lord knows what else.
I miss him though. Not every day, but many days. He would have been around 82 now... tall and strong if he hadn’t become ill.

My other bro took it real bad. Seemed to vow to drink him self into a stupor every day after that. ( he's a real cool guy)
The funeral was 'funny'.. we were watching him nervously as he looked like any minute he was about to jump into the 'pit' and it was gonna become one of those funerals you see on TV..lol. He didn't though..
We were all good
( I wonder if there will ever be a good time to tease him about that??.. probably not to be honest)

Yeah...July 23rd. That was the day that was.
Funny. I ask my mum questions all the time now and she doesn’t mind answering... in fact... can hardly shut her up (sorry ma)

Saturday 21 July 2012

We all try

lovely song

Hackney greets the Olympic torch..


Stokenewington... hey.. where's the girl gone??.. I seriously thought they'd have one torch bearer... duh!!

An alternative torch bearer... you go errr... girl.. :~)
They looked like they were having a ball

The guy in the whites holding the torch... yeah it was fun today..

Saturday heat.. must be the arrival of the olympic torch in Hackney :))

Thursday 19 July 2012

Back in time with.. Omarion

What do you mean you have no culture girl? pt 2..

Jacks at the top of the stairs, sliding down bannisters, monkey bars, tumbling down stairs head first, climbing on rooftops, hop scotch, knock down ginger, bear...

What do you mean you have no culture girl?... pt 1

I had a chat with a friend yesterday about lots of things. The way we as a people interact was one; the way we as women interact with each other was another( she walked past two women on the street recently, both of which looked her up and down and gave her dirty looks !??!)jeesh. The subject of culture came up, along with personal stuff, the queen’s jubilee, and community development stuff.
We took our usual trip down memory lane (we grew up round the comer from each other, know each other since 14 15 yrs... maybe younger) talked about current shenanigans.

Anyway. My friend is black British, born and raised for a while in Montserrat, the Island of my parents also.
We talked about the disunification of the ‘black community’ (a misnomer if I ever heard one), and she presented this personal view point.
Black Britain’s have no culture.
My friend was clear that she identifies, with her carribean-ness, she also identifies with her African- ness, but other than that what is there!?!. She said that Africans (very broad but stay with me) have an identity, based on the region they are from. Many don't even say African... rather Nigerian, Ghanaian, Kenyan, Ethiopian, Somali, and so on...
'So what?’... I asked her...'That's regional. You too can identify with a region... it’s just that you choose not to. You spent the majority of your time in London. You ... are a Londoner'.

I urged her not to assume that just because a group of people say they are from a particular region... that it equals unity. Look at Nigeria for example. Whilst I’m no expert on Nigerian history... I can remember reading of the shit that got kicked out of someone during the Biafra war. ( horrible business)
So... on and on we went.

Then I asked her to look back at all her childhood experiences (the ones that brought a sense of joy and stability) and tell me you have no culture.
Think about the games we used to play, Hop Scotch, King Ball, Kiss-chase, Jacks, Double Dutch, What’s the time Mr Wolf...and then tell me, if you meet another with those shared experiences you won’t feel a sense of identity.
My girl has a culture. It’s an amalgamation of African, Caribbean, and British. She’s lucky, as It can and has enriched her life... if she chooses.. or is able to recognise it. Some can’t see outside of their little box of country of origin, or region... plus...as it stands I told her... she can if she really wanted to, lay claim to practically any African country she chooses ( who can prove otherwise?) , and quite frankly the same goes for the Caribbean.
Why limit yourself? get in touch with the Brit within girl and own that thing.
So... in no particular order... here are some of the shows we used to watch, growing up with long socks 'white' knees, ribbons plaits..in Stoke Newington.

Just William
Jim’ll Fix it
John Cravens newsround
HR Puff’n’stuff
Ivor the Engine
Look and Read
Hong Kong Phooey
Help! It’s the hair bear bunch
Dastardly and Muttley
Captain Pugwash
The Clangers
Button moon
The Brady Bunch
Bill and Ben the flowerpot men
Blue peter
Andy Pandy
The amazing Spiderman
The magic roundabout
Mr Ben
Yogi Bear
Noggin the Nog
Play school
Record breakers
Sesame Street
Scooby doo where are you
Swap Shop
Why don’t you
Take Hart
Tomorrow’s people
Wilo the Wisp
The Wombles
Worzel Gummidge
Grange Hill
Banana Splits
Top Cat


Friday 13 July 2012

Captain’s log... Star-date 130712

Been awhile huh.

Tell me... you ever try to do or plan something nice for someone and have it backfire?
Have you ever been accused of being dishonest, when in fact you were being totally honest, without a tiny thought of deception?
Of having an agenda where there really wasn’t one.
Horrible huh... but it happens easily... and fairly often I think
Simple fact is... perception.
Like one of those pictures where you see two things depending on the angle.
I've experienced both sides of the coin. The accuser, and the accused.

Ultimately, it takes honestly, trust, a pure heart or intent( well...at least one or two in evidence anyway )
I think those attributes can help to alleviate any misunderstandings
Having said that.. honestly doesn’t always go down well either.
But the fear of making a mistake can render us stuck, as ‘we’ desperately conceal our true feelings.
you gotta 'fess up' sometimes right??.. put stuff out there.. no?

Sometimes our intuition is spot on
Always best to listen to it I think.... If it turns out incorrect... accept it and move forward... yet I wouldn't dismiss it next time around based on a previous false ‘reading’.
Intuition is a powerful thing.
I wonder if blind people have the problems sighted people have.
Subtle things that we see with our eyes that can transform a thought and send us into panic.
A past hurt resurfacing in an instant.
An odd word, unheard by the deaf man that can send a hearing person into a state of panic.
I don’t have a ‘tune’ for this one
Captain... the planets are in motion, the journey unpredictable, the terrain unknown, yet strangely familiar.
Unsure of the inhabitants...yet again.. strangely familiar. yes...I have known this planet before.

Adult development...

Aggrandisement – ( online definition) “the act of increasing the wealth or prestige or power or scope of something; "the aggrandizement of the king"; "his elevation to cardinal"
Self aggrandisement - ( online definition) "an act undertaken to increase your own power and influence or to draw attention to your own importance"

Just to be clear... the act/ or art of ‘increasing’ is no bad thing. How, what, and why however will be dictated and defined by our ego.
For whosoever is not ruled by the ego, aggrandisement will benefit the many, and not the few
For whosoever is under the control of the ego... ruled by its desires, fears, biases, beliefs, misconceptions, and miss-education, self aggrandisement can be like an atomic bomb, in a mine shaft.
However... like a parasite, the ego will eat its host first and foremost.
Eat away at the brain and cause a form of virtual insanity.... then go on attack like a crazed creature from mars seeking new prey.
So... how do we free ourselves from this ‘ego’.
How do we release years of self hatred, the projection of hatred onto others, the following of doctrines, ‘blind’ faith... to awaken and be free from this sleep induced state of mental, emotional, intellectual, psychosomatic paralysis.
Perhaps by recognising the sickness, and putting a stop to faking, denying, and hiding. ( at least making an effort to)

Like an AA meeting, perhaps what’s needed is for the afflicted to stand up and say..
My name is ... and I’m lost.
I’m tired...
I’ve tried every way... but the right way,
I want to know freedom
I want to know love
be love
Everything I thought I knew I realise is pointless
My name is ....
And I’m ready now...
(All say) “welcome so and so........”
Well... you get my drift...

By re-educating ourselves, being true, and really learning what love is, we can unite that which has been separated for so long. We can change so much by following our true will. The will of our higher-being..
An acquaintance said to me the other day, said they 'don’t give a toss about their higher being'.. they just wanna have fun..
Eh??...Who says one can’t have fun... and ... connect with their higher being
One could have a lot of fun indeed.
( definitely got lost in translation.. or we just in two completely different zones )
So ... standing at the crossroads of change. Which road will we choose?.

Back in the day I studied 1 year of an NNEB course (full duration 2 years) I did the class work and my nursery placement, then promptly got pregnant:)
My intention at the time was to work with children. Key aspect of any child care, or any child related training, is learning the stages of child development.
As we know, children develop in stages. The development is charted, from thinking, speaking, fine motor skills etc. For those of us with children, we watch our children grow and will see their development 1st hand, no training required
Yet, it has occurred to me that the stages of development should not end at childhood, but be continuously charted, just to the attainment of different goals ( no not the unusual house and car but perhaps deeper than that).

But somehow, the law says that 18 is an adult, fully trained and fully grown.
At 18, with no life experience, trained or educated perhaps by those who knew just as little, or were equally misinformed. Shucks...adult development should include aspects of life that adults mess up.
Relationships, sex, spirituality, and learning how to be the men and women we ‘could’ be.
Hi my name is Dawna.. and I’m a self absorbed egomaniac.
.. pst... not really
Errrr.. maybe occasionally...
Errrr... can I come again next week?
( All) “No”...

Wednesday 11 July 2012

Nubian Spirit/ Kemetic Spirituality

Excerpt from a documentary

Lost kingdoms of Africa - Ethiopia

amusing quote..
On the bees in the church
"Oh .. they came by themselves!"


I haven’t bought a newspaper in ages. I can actually say that newspapers, the buying and reading of, was part of my daily routine.
I bought the Sun, the Mirror, the Voice, the Sunday Times, the News of the World and the Sunday Mirror (from time to time) the People if all else had run out, and the Star if it was all that was on the counter.
I watched the news every day, early evening news , news at ten news and news 24.
I needed a break.
So... I no longer buy the papers

When my brother told me to have a look at a paper recently, as apparently ‘Harry Styles’ was on the front page ( of One Direction / X factor fame) and he has a thing for older women .. I thought... why?.. and so??..... anyway, I was lured in, and looking further there was a story on J.T and his mouth, a story on Tom Cruise and his divorce, another on some terrible murder, and two pages of ‘health’ info..
I realised the kind of thing I’d become accustomed to, and how quickly I’d become unaccustomed.
I am also well aware that it’s easy to get hooked into nothingness.
Looking back on all that paper buying I suspect I spent a fair bit, trust me It all adds up.

I don’t miss the papers, and I don’t miss the news. I can take it or leave it. I feel much more in control of the information I take in now... rather.. I try and monitor the info I take in.

Don’t get me wrong... I love my trivia, a bit of goss from time to time like my Eastenders fix, but I mix it up. Really mix it up.
Newspapers... hmmmm . Step away from the counter, or steady as you go
They may seriously damage your wealth... not to mention your ability to think
Free newspapers?... now that’s another story