Deekay - Repete

Believe in yourself!

So I had a nice rest made a meal and feel much better!

Just allowing things to flow without trying to control things is actually a useful tip. (something I read some time ago and never really tried)
Cool

Anyway.. on a positive note.. I came across this and found it interesting.. plus a track I really like ( it's the beat)

Onwards and upwards people!! x

The challenges of life

This is quite a personal post, but sometimes it helps me to write things down.
It's possibly what I do best.
or not.
So this post simply comes under the banner of... life

Since my brother died, my other brother (who is a few years older than me) has really stepped up to the plate with regards to staying at my mums, sorting things at my brothers flat, and clearing her place.

Anyway, yesterday.. I got a call from my sister to tell me he had been rushed to the hospital with a suspected heart attack
It floored me.

I couldn't go.. and didn't.
It's unlike me, but I really didn't feel strong enough this time.
The update is he is stable, doing better and remains in hospital
I cant imagine what last night was like for my mum.

We are not having a great time.

I'm struggling a bit emotionally.
My closest friend came over and sat with me playing a 'saxon sound clash' tape until I fell asleep.
She understands that I just lost the brother I've been closest to all my life.. my ally.. and now... this...
J...the other brother who I am also really close to.

we've always been close because he is just the funniest person I know and makes me laugh.
He's also very loving.

I'm not dealing very well with these challenges but I'm trying my best to be strong and solider on.
But there are times when I just need to cry, and be held.
To add to it , I couldn't get Mr K on the phone ( but that's another story)

Yesterday .. I explained to my friend that I felt really exposed, a bit scared, and unprotected.
I guess I shouldn't say that

There's always god..
..and Freddie Mcgregor

This was one of the songs on the tape.
An old favourite of mine..

Sing Freddie.... we love you.. and thanks

Good morning x

J. Martins - Kwaroro - my song of the day :)

Iyanya ft. Lil Kesh - Okamfo

I want more men in these videos.. feel short changed here :)

Friday feeling.. have a great day x

The pace of change

I couldn't tell you the last time I've slept all through the night.
Its been awhile.
Sometimes, I'll read, go on-line, check out some articles, sometimes I'll just think about stuff

The pace of change ebs and flows.
One thing is certain.. change is inevitable.
Change can be exciting, scary, something you wish to attract, or something you wish to keep at bay. I guess it all depends on what 'the change' is..

A good change can be viewed as something which enhances your life and state of well being. Brings you closer to those you love, and strengthens you mentally, spiritually, and physically
Something which engenders feelings of happiness and contentment
A bad change, can be viewed as the opposite to all the above.

Someone once said to me, it's not the 'change' necessarily, but how you perceive and respond to what's happening.

Most of us have hopes and dream.. things we aspire do (or be).. states to reach.
A glitch in the road is rarely ( if ever) welcome.

**

I met a woman who has reconciled with her husband after a period of separation ( and interference.. I mean support, from her pastor)
Being a 'romantic' I expressed my warmest regards..
As we continued to speak however she burst into tears.
Seems (for her) the love isn't there. and neither are the state benefits she was once entitled to.
For whatever reason, she claimed that her husband wont give her any money.
I asked her why I (I'm nosey.. I mean curious.. like that)
She said.. African men... they don't care... and pulled a face.
Rightly or wrongly I didn't respond.. she needed to talk - get stuff off her chest

I'm hopeful that things will change for them both for the better. and they are able to live as a man and wife should live
with love kindness gratitude understanding and respect at the core.
( don't quote me on that rather short list)

It's a sad day when a woman see the state as a better husband than her actual husband

I guess I could have said 'lady.. meanness is not a default African trait.. a mean man is just a mean man.. wherever he's from'.
But as I said.. she was crying
What do you think.. should you worry if you never ever see your partners wallet?

**

I'm back!.. with a song, what else?! :) (Di'Ja ft. Patoranking - Falling For You)