Paul Weller...

Moment by moment..

It gets easier to live in the moment when you realise there are times when you have very little control.
When you realise that your life can be changed in an instant... in ways you’d love, and in ways you would perhaps rather not.

I’ve been rather busy of late.
In some ways I’ve been watching the world move around me in ways I could both imagine... perhaps dream..yet almost not imagine.
Someone once said that the universe will always work in our favour. Even when we don’t think it will.
Easy to say at times..harder to believe at others.
I guess that’s when we are required to show our true strength of character.
Today is a day of opposites perhaps
It’s my son’s birthday. Happy Birthday Ij, 26 today.
I’m juggling two large pieces of work which has me spending what seems like additional hours in the tub... thinking.
To be honest ...I think morning noon and night, so I’m a little surprised I’m able to string a coherent sentence, or logical conversation together.
But I am..and long may that continue.. I like to talk:).. sometimes
I thought about the words, I love you. I wondered how many of us become so accustomed to saying it that it loses meaning. Can it ever? I guess.. if it’s not felt, meant or truly genuine it can. No.. scratch that.. it cannot. It’s not the concept or the reality.. but those in possession or not.

I wondered If when we say it , we really know what we're saying, and whether or not it’s reflected in our actions.
For me, if I tell another ‘I love you, it's a statement; in a nutshell that encompasses the whole damn world. All that love is. Is what is meant. Its breadth and depth. Three little words, packed with the power of the universe I guess.
Am I being extreme!?!.. perhaps.
But then today , is a day of opposites.

Well.. I can honestly say I’ve never overused it, abused it, and should never refuse it... should you ever wish to say it to me.. standing half naked on a beach.. or on the top of the empire state building with a megaphone( okay.. as you can see I’m off on one... trust me.. right now I’m logical in shorts bursts)
Anyway...
I’m happy inside right now.. a little stressed maybe ... but content.
Yet... someone somewhere feels the opposite to me right now.
So... whoever you may be.. there will be a time when that will change. And I will feel as you.. perhaps.
I’m very very proud to see others who never felt they could.. take the reigns in their lives. I’ve been working with someone, and she no longer needs me. Truth is, she never did, just thought she did.
Funny really... she couldn’t see in herself what was clear to everyone else. Her potential.
Still, nothing ever happens before the time..and that is definitely true even in my own life.
I see that now.
I read Rory’s post, which kind of triggered this post.
I hope your okay Rory.
Life huh

Wherever you will go

ft Dennis Brown & Garnett Silk..

* Are we too hard on our men?...

I had chat recently about racism men, women and relationships.
A black man’s journey in the UK is very different to that of a woman... was the thrust of the debate.
It was mentioned that Black women need to understand this, and support their men more, but a combination of feminism, a nice pay check, and the pill, have ensured that the demands of women have changed... considerably.
In times gone by, women and men worked as a team
More recently though in some cases it’s more of a battle.

It was mentioned that perhaps women aren't as loving as before...less tolerant. .. not as understanding.. demanding... unaware.
I’m not sure if it’s really that possible to generalise to that extent ( as I know of many loving women.. just waiting in some cases for an opportunity to express it) but I would say that more awareness of the pressures of being black in the UK.. especially for men ( yes.. even now) wouldn’t hurt.
To be fair there are many that feel unaffected... are unaffected... but, it wouldn’t take much for them to be... affected. In other words... it’s not always a class issue.
Perhaps (it was stated) a better understanding of the ways in which black men, and black women are treated. (at the very least, perceived)...differently... may help relations; the home, again, providing a safe haven, and a place to gather strength and recharge the batteries.. not a place for a barrage of criticism

The irony (if there is one) is that in the cases of 'us' women who will not tolerate an unemployed British born black man for example, ‘we’ would consider a passport seeking yardman or some such....
Why is that?
( must be the charm)
The debate left me with much to think about...
My role is not to even ever attempt to dis empowered, but at the very least...to be aware...
Maybe all we really need to be .. is aware.
The traps ( if i can call them that for a mo) are out there
To be fair there are women who seek purely high earning men just as there are men who do the same... perhaps. But the debate was really about something far deeper than that.
Gone should be the days when it’s the highest earner who retains the power.. be they man or woman. The strength of a woman it was felt, lies in her mind, and her ability to love.
A woman, it was felt.. should embrace her strengths.

*Thoughts were a mixture of men and women

Ft.. I-Octane ..Cecile.. Zamunda..Gyptian..Khago.. Faithful riddim..

Remembering Lincoln 'Sugar' Minott..

TV fun...

Yesterday was the 1st time in a long time that I watched any TV, and it was a treat. Two good variety shows and a very funny film
I've had to turn it off again though as it is a distraction.
Can i just say that I'm becoming increasingly found of Will I am. He comes across as a very humble guy. No mean feat considering his success, and a real nice quality.



The Ninja looking guy in Black Eye Peas used to be my fav... he's got competition now



Tom Jones is very funny....such an old don.. looking good on it too, although someone whispered to me he's had work done.

I wondered if we were all in the public eye if we'd all feel pressure to have work done... then I realized.. hey!! .. we are all in the public eye duh!!!

Botox anyone?

Take me out was good fun... this really 'sweet' girl said the guy she was with was too nice.. not enough of a bad boy!!.. as he paid her compliments and so on...
Made me wonder... why do nice girls seem to like.. or go for.. 'mean' guys!?!

Eric Clapton .. Happy SMS allx

Mr Zip.. whe' me keys!?!

Omg .. I have never laughed so much as last night...



I almost forgot this guy... love the moves!!!.. he was funny.. so cute..
I think they thought he said 'paying her!'

Lloyd Brown * Freddie Mcgregor.. two hot versions...one cool riddm track

Enjoy this beautiful day.. sun shine , good music, love and joy..
Embrace each day, be good to each other, respect each other, live good and love...

Music really is a wonderful thing




and my personal fav.....
Freddie is one cool dude... effortless...

Lloyd Brown ft Don Campbell.. You must know..

Cool track

Happy Easter all x

Praying for rain...

Not something I would normally do but I finally got around to sprinkling those grass seeds I bought in the garden... it looks very grayish and seed like at the moment... but I'm hoping this summer.. for a nice green lawn...

Simple pleasures..

Well I never...the boy can cook...

Ti made pasta bake. I didn't have to cajole him, (to be honest I wasn't keen at
1st.. said I didn't fancy any wee-wah for dinner.. bad mum lol)
Well to my complete surprised once the dish was in the oven he cleaned the kitchen.. Even his friend was shocked.

Yippee.. I think that's 3 dishes he can cook now.
It may look at bit dishevelled but this is after we've all been at it!!

It's really very nice :)

A Course in Miracles.. brief review

For most of the day I’ve been reading this book.
It’s the book I’ve had for over 10yrs but never read..
I spoke about it recently in the '1st day of the rest of my life' post
It's called; A course in Miracles
It speaks of pure love, overcoming fear and illusions, salvation, healing, and a whole lot more.
In many ways it’s a book to purify the soul, re-awaken the mind and elevate your consciousness to a higher state.
It really is as it says, a course in miracles, as it’s also a workbook for students.

It’s definitely challenging in places, possibly because of the deep rooted beliefs I hold ( which I may not always even be aware of) ... to hear they may not even be real.. shakes me a little.
It's well worth looking into.
I’m loving it.
It took me a while to get here, but I’m here now...
Anyway
I won’t attempt to provide you with any in depth insights just yet.. early days...but here are a few snippets

‘Nothing real can be threatened
Nothing unreal exists
Herein lies the peace of god'

'So what is a Miracle?'.. you may ask....

Here are a few descriptions as outlined in the book( there are about 50)

*Miracles represent freedom from fear. Atoning means undoing. The undoing of fear is an essential part of the atonement value of miracles

*Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense, everything that comes from love is a miracle.

*Miracles are everyone’s right. But purification is necessary first.

*Miracles are thoughts. Thoughts can represent the lower or bodily level of experience, or the higher or spiritual level of experience. One makes the physical, and the other creates the spiritual

*Miracles honour you because they are lovable. They dispel illusions about yourself and perceive new light in you. They thus atone for your errors by freeing you from your nightmares. By releasing your mind from the imprisonment of your illusions, they restore your sanity

Feel free to Google it if it sparks an interest
I'm quite enjoying my time off at the moment:)

Friendships..

In my closest friends days/hours of need she texts me to ask how I am.

We go back a long way. Since I was 17.
We were so close that for the longest time people were convinced I was from Leeds... our accents seemed to permeate each others.
You see her mother recently died. Fairly young too, and as I said... she’s asking about me.

She said being there for me in my hours/days of need also helped her..helped her to focus on something other than her own pain.
She’s insightful, open, warm, funny, and honest. Always has been. That’s why we're friends.
This is for her....

We were young and immature
Bright eyed smart and full of life
Eager to have fun and experience all that life had to offer.
You were fascinated by London
I Leeds
We’ve attended concerts together
Got dressed up together
Dressed down and 'slobbed out' together
Read books and shared whatever we discovered
Searched for understanding.. together
We enjoyed the excitement of new boyfriends
And lamented at the misery of old ones
We laughed and cried together
Shared our dreams and hopes for the future
Grew up together
Grew apart... together
In our independence we have grow separate
Yet stronger... together
Your wisdom has grown immeasurably
And your ability to love holds no bounds
Yet you are no fool
You have learnt to guard your heart... to own your heart
And with that has come a greater freedom to express who you are
We have baby sat for each other
Annoyed each other
Yet through it all
We are friends
In your hour of need I know you will gain strength
Your friends and family are with you
I cannot know your loss or pain
But I am thinking of you...anyway
Because
We are friends.
You have never turned your back on me
Nor I you
Because
We are friends
So do not worry about me
I’ll be okay
But in case you ever wondered
Thank you
For being a great friend

Love's eternal..

As incomplete yet complete
My journey ascends
Occasionally descends
When I call out to you
You are there
No door is closed no window bolted
No code required to unlock that which exists within me
That’s why you never leave
You have found a home
A place to dwell where you know that love is eternal
Flames of passion burn brightly
Nightly

You assured me that all will be well
Not to be afraid of what I cannot see
Cannot know
Replenish my love
As it extends it reach
Not a drop wasted
Taken for granted
Your words carve granite
Sand covered but ever present
Uncovered it reads
You my love
Are all

Thought of the day.. sexy

What is sexy?
Sexy is different things to different people.
For some it’s a look, a way of being, a persona,
For some...Jordan is sexy... for others Margaret Thatcher

Does sexy always have to turn you on?
Can you look at something, think hmmm that’s sexy and feel nothing?
No?
So sexy is mental? It’s a thought!
Is sexy whatever triggers sexual arousal in the recipient?
If you’re aroused by a back massage is it the massage that’s sexy... of the person giving you the massage.
Can an inanimate object be sexy... a hoover for example... or a feather?
Just a thought

Bookshop boogie.. ( crap title I know:))

Chromes recent Kemet post got me thinking

I’ll use the term black community loosely in this post without analysing it too much with regards to if there is one, because I think you’ll all get where I’m coming from.

I wondered if improved knowledge of black culture and history would make any difference to many of the issues that blight (talking of the negative issues) the ‘black community'.
I used to think it would. Now I’m not so sure.
I’m not sure because many black African Caribbean people have decent knowledge or at least an awareness of black culture and history. Yet more often than not it makes little difference with regards to how they live their lives or treat each other.
I am beginning to think the change that is needed may be more spiritual and less factual.
I went into a well known black bookshop recently and there were three middle aged (and over) black men in the corner talking. Talking about the bible being fairy tales and other such (barbershop style) conversations.
I browsed the books. I winced in many cases at the price of the books ( but that's another story)... and felt odd about their conversation..
I wondered about sub cultures. I wondered why black men (of their ilk) huddled in corners to talk about these things. What did they do for a living?.. Why are these talks ‘underground’ and not ‘over ground?’
To me they seemed to represent our hidden black men. Hiding away in huddles talking about things they’re never likely to do.
Hiding.
Also... there was no real customer care... I felt like an outsider... and indeed... I was.
I didn't fit in this space, and that was weird.
I left the shop feeling relieved to be out in the air.

The ‘Africans were the first’ type of conversations are beginning to grate on me a little. Why? Because despite knowing that... quite often we treat each other like shit.
We harbour internalised racist beliefs, and are rarely open and honest about the things we think or feel.
Love is often limited and almost always conditional
Discussions become competition... become arguments... become resentments
Self healing is (in my view) possibly the best way forward. With knowledge of self.. self discovery.. everything else will fall into place.
I think
Without a huddle in sight.

Bob Marley .. Who the cap fit

I have featured the Wailers or Bob Marley quite a bit of late...
Tell you what.. this is possibly one of my favourite tunes ( and that's really hard to say )
I dig the intro, the harmonies and the lyrics.
Timeless universal truths... pretty cool really

Book review.. women who love too much

I mentioned in my recent post 'the hopeless romantic' that one of my oldest friends brought me two books to read.
I'm really glad she did

I finished reading one today, thoroughly enjoyed it, have learnt a great deal from doing so, and I want to share a few excepts.. with you.

The book presents a range of relationship scenarios and case studies, many of which I have been able to relate to.. in some way.
What I like about it, is the practical tools on offer.. things you can apply to your own life today.
It's deeply profound insightful and spiritual.

‘Developing your spirituality no matter what your religious orientation basically means letting go of self will, of the determination to make things happen the way you think they should. Instead, you must accept the fact that you may not know what is best in a given situation either for yourself or another person. There may be outcomes and solutions that you have never considered, or perhaps the ones you most feared and tried the hardest to forestall may be exactly what is necessary in order for things to begin to improve.’
Self will means believing that you alone have all the answers. Letting go of self will means becoming willing to hold still, be open and wait for guidance for yourself. It means learning to let go of fear (of all the what ifs)

It speaks of managing and controlling in relationships. How the constant need to fix , help , or even praise the person in your life in order to boost their esteem are all forms of manipulation.
They are in many ways ‘tools’ to get another to do what you would like.
And when they do...you will be happy... or at least.. that may be what you believe.
It advises learning to 'do and say nothing'.
Allowing the other person to find their own way, as you are finding yours

It is written that 'Most of the insanity and despair we experience comes from trying to manage and control what you cannot...and 'being helpful'... is an ego trip'

It also speaks of the roles we play. The victim, the hero, the organiser, the fixer, vixen,healer,protector,provider... the interchangeable positions of pursuer and distancer ... often used as ways of avoiding true intimacy.

It's not a judgmental book by any means. it's actually one of the most loving books I've read in a while.
It's presented in a way that speaks to you .. on a very personal level
Self love and self acceptance, are the overriding themes of this book.. and how to achieve that ( by working on, and developing yourself)

It's not saying you cannot love or care for another.. rather when you do love, you love not from fear.. but you love from your true essence, and what is loved... is the true essence of you
Nice book

Boys to men..

My eldest



'Oh No!!... my dads got a gold tooth!!'


My eldest will be 26 in a few weeks time..
I enjoy raising children.. yes it can be challenging.. but it can also be one of the most enjoyable experiences


There are some who feel strongly that women ( or single women) cannot raise boys to become men.

Yet to say that is to almost imply that there are a set of things that all men do..that all men think a certain way, and all women think a certain way...whereas in reality there is no such template. I think it's quite a limiting belief, although I understand the point being made.
Men need to be around men sometimes:)

I guess as parents all we really can do is to raise our children to have values, morals and understanding, to be able to think for themselves, and be strong enough to overcome obstacles and challenges that life may throw at them
Strive to get them educated, and prepare them.
Love them, encourage them support them... ( and i'm sure much more could be added to the list)

Male or female, there are some things that are constant
I've raised two boys and a girl.. and each child has been different.. responded differently, reacted differently to what I've said or done.
Sometimes I've played it right.. sometimes I've played it wrong..

I never set out to be perfect
Just to try my best
I've had fun
Does that sound trivial??... bite me :)

Roots selection..ft Ijahman Levi

These tunes remind me of my teenage/early twenties days..

A beautiful spring day...

I didn’t get up until 8:15. Shock horror.
To be honest I was shocked it was as late as that... Weekdays I’m a 5am gal... weekends? 7ish
I guess I needed the rest.

I lay in my bed and wondered if I was a praise junkie.
Thought about porn for a hot minute then quickly decided not to allow my mind to go there. Realised (as it came on) how much i'd missed 'Everybody loves Raymond',... and that I wasn’t in the mood to cook today...but its Sunday!!... not cook Sunday dinner?? Hmmm not sure about that yet..

I wondered where would be appropriate for me to wear this body-con dress I bought... its really nice... but I have to ensure it doesn't look tacky... I can dress it up with heals or down with flats.. so that said... anywhere should be okay.
Felt energised at the thought of looking and feeling great over summer, especially as my vanity had been fed yesterday as I appeared to turn a few heads without trying( not that I ever try)... that was weird.. I actually asked my son if I looked odd or something.
It’s both nice and a little unnerving having someone ‘check you out’

I thought about how nice it was spending time outside of London, and that I really should do that more often... I feel I fit it rather well, and get along with the people no effort required.
Today is take it easy and potter day.
A little TLC for me, bit of gardening...washing down of the front and back yard, cleaning... reading
If the sun remains as it is I may even take a stroll in my local park... sit on a bench and ponder.. something which is increasingly becoming my favourite pastime... (however.. if you should ever see me sitting on a bench with my thumb in my mouth rocking back and forth whist surrounded by pigeons rescue me please.... yeah ... I bloody hate pigeons:)))

I'ts a beautiful day
Enjoy yours
Happy SMSx