Being Shy

If I say I'm shy no one believes me..
seriously.. no one

I don't really say it anymore because if I do I'll be told..
"No you're not!.. no way!"..
Basically .. I'm accused of being a liar.. as apparently.. people know me better than I know myself!
It used to tick me off a bit
But then it would right?.. if you are constantly being mis judged.
Still.. I'm used to it now..
Now.. I can pretty much play any role you like..
you want tough, i can be tough... want cute i can be cute.. want quiet i can be quiet.. whatever..
People pretty much believe what they like

If i were to describe being shy, I would call it.. experiencing physical and mental pain in the company of others..

It's a feeling of being totally exposed.. as if all the eyes of the world are on you at that particular moment, you're not ready, and their eyes chip away at your soul..
To be honest.. it's really hard to describe..
Which is what makes it difficult for others to understand I think

Here's a definition that I think does a good job

As a child I had a terrible fear of people..
As I got older. lord have mercy I was picked for everything!.. I think one reason may have been because.. (at that time) i was quite cute with these long plaits.. and I remember one day, the headteacher asked me to present something to some 'dignitary ' or another at this large 'special' assembly.. shit... I remember it like it was yesterday...
that was the longest walk to the stage.. the ribbons in my hair were big, and red..
(matched my favourite polka-dot red with white trim dress my mum made) and i just wanted them to scoop me up and get me the heck outta there..

Oddly enough... I love both stages.. and audiences now
Yes.. i am weird.

Count yourself lucky if you're not shy though.. it can be unpleasant .. and very odd

Confidence..

There are times when I've thought.. there are two types of people in this world..
those who are confident.. and those who are not..
I used to think you can spot them easily.. there they are..the confident ones

They run the country.. run businesses, run their lives the way they want, take charge, and get things done..
But that's not necessarily true..
Those who 'run things' are not necessarily any more confident than anyone else.. they just get things done..
For the purpose of this post lets just call them 'starter finishers'..
They start something - and they finish it.
They're not quitters
They see things through to the end.. they are resilient, they have focus, and if at first they don't succeed, they try again.. sometimes they change tact.. but they try again

I'm quite fortunate in the work that I do that I get to meet lots of people from all types of backgrounds..
and in life in general.. people tend to talk to me about all manner of things... I really appreciate that.. they are so open with me, and I respect that.. as they have taught me much..

Confidence is a funny thing...
It's easily eroded.. and over time, a lack of it can really be a barrier to achieving what you truly desire in life..

I meet amazing people who tell me they're not confident.. and it baffles me
Then I meet those who appear confident yet are riddled with insecurities..
I meet some who manipulate those who lack confidence in order to get their own way and I've watched those who lack confidence...let them!
Quite a sad reality really..

In my 'space' I feel very confident ( i'll always be shy..but confident)
outside of my own space.. I'm less sure. This, I think is because whilst I know and trust my motives...I can never be sure of the motives of another... so I may feel uneasy
That feeling we get is what we sometimes confuse with lacking confidence
Feeling uneasy is not necessarily anything to do with confidence
But paradoxically confidence can help to over come that uneasy feeling.

Can you teach confidence?
Not sure..I'm not convinced you can
I think it's important to unearth the root cause/s.. for a person to understand why they feel the way they do..

Sometimes it stems from childhood experiences.. other times it's a series of unfortunate events, lack of meaningful friendships/relationships.. abuse.. you name it..
Personally, I believe that feeling good about yourself is a deeply spiritual process
Getting to know yourself well.. and being honest with yourself, is a great starting point

In the words of Bob Marley.. 'you're running and you're running.. but you can't run away from yourself!

Feelings..

Not heard this in a while

Jackie Mittoo..

Met Jackie way back in an east london studio at 15.
When he sat behind the keyboard it was amazing to watch..
He was a very gifted musician.. reggae music legend..

Thought of the day - Euro..

I'm not feeling the Euro..
I don't think it's just because I'm not European, but that may have something to do with my dissonance..
Race relations has been a hard enough slog right here in the UK, and our European 'brothers and sisters' are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy behind in that department methinks..
( *Good luck to the black players in the England football team for Euro 2012)
I digress
I am a Brit after all.. and there are ( what I think may be ) benefits to the European union..
Still, I don't think 'we' can realistically stay out of the Euro for much longer..

It would mean letting go of key powers and control but that's already begun hasn't it..

A one world government is the agenda.. it's not really if.. but when..


* it's already been reported that racism is a major concern, but they're ploughing ahead anyway... any country who fans express that level of hostility should not be hosting.. or really be allowed to partake perhaps.. what say you?

Memories of Luciano, Xterminator, and yes.. TGIFx

I've enjoyed Luciano's music for so many years now..

With the passing of Phillip 'Fatis' Burrell of Xtermintor record label I began to think about the artists/singers he's worked with.. and Luciano sprung to mind 1st.
With that, I thought about the 1st track I really took notice of from Luci.. It was this one.. It's not off the Xterminator label but it's conjures up a certain time.. and it was shortly after that Luci began to work with Xterminator..

Of all the many tracks that Luciano has out there... I will always say this one for me.. it my Fav..
It's so simple.. has an innocence to it... and really kick started his career in the UK... In my world anyway :)it just stuck... all these years later... it just stuck

Hold on to you dreams... TGIFx

Don Drummond- the Ska-talites - Ken Boothe.. Ska 2 Rocksteady