Sunday 23 September 2012

Is my ego bigger than my bank balance?

I was raised with the belief I was the best thing since sliced bread. (Not in an arrogant way.. just a matter of fact way really.. I mean .. of course right, why not?)
Must have been.
I believe it came mainly from my dad, although I’m sure my mum also...although my mum is a very...('never think yourself better than anyone else') kind of person.. (judge not unless you walk a mile in their shoes')... etc)
Anyway...Observing them, I noticed that they never envied anyone, anything, were self sustaining, content attractive people.

Looking back, I’d say my parents didn’t really have much money, yet ( other than a red Chopper bike) I never really wanted for anything, and if they were in fact short of funds.. It didn't appear to have much impact. I remember the metre man,the paraffin man and green shield stamps.. but to a child (at least to me) back then those things were exciting.
I had my parents, brothers, sister, and neighbourhood friends.
My sister read to me a lot, and sometimes my dad.
So I have never equated money, to happiness, or self worth.

If I do so now, its because of societal pressure ( a shift in the consciousness of the many)
Great quality perhaps?...hmm yes... but it’s not all holy.

You see.. fact is..having an ego bigger than your bank balance is thwart with problems.
I live as though I have an unlimited supply, although I’ve been told I live a very frugal life.
My mother called me a WAG a few weeks back (not sure she realises its a 'ballers wife or girlfriend and I aint dating no footballer!)and said i'd never change.
So I obviously give her the impression I’m too lavish...and give another the impression I’m not lavish enough

Yet I’m neither... possibly now.. closer to the latter. ( my mother perhaps thinking of a previous time)
I think as I said earlier, because (in my mind anyway) my self worth is not attached to my financial wealth so to speak, I’m actually quite happy most of the time, until reality bites, I face a problem. or someone tells me I should be as miserable as fuck.
I have a relatively strong inner, core (although permeable at times.. which I like)

But as my ‘Princess’ lifestyle shifts further and further into the distance the question is... will my ego notice?.