Shades of blue

I'm really missing my brother today. This evening.

It just dawned on me tonight how much things have changed. I hadn't realized just how reclusive id become either.

I spend a lot of time in my room. Everyone else had noticed ..but me.

I listen to music still for sure, but in bursts. Not so much in the front room as I used to.

I really need to get out of the funk but I don't know how tbh. It comes and goes. Some days I'm okay...other days I'm not so much

Irish cream hasn't helped as I thought it would either.
I've tried subconsciously perhaps to use other things as distractions..I've found some great videos on YouTube which help abit. I feel like I need help to deal with my feelings but I know that my feelings are my own and as a result only I can master them. I kinda ran away, and the desire to keep running remains, but I also just want to get back to being me. Happy go lucky me ( if I ever was:)
Yet every so often I get stuck.

I've realized for awhile I've been feeling "blue'.. and also kinda lonely (in a way)..despite the fact that I'm not alone (which I'm grateful for)
But what shook me a bit today was my friend called to invite me to an event about the history of sound systems in the UK..reggae vinyl sale , all sorts.. and I declined. It was 5 minutes away from my home, yet I declined.. and did nothing instead.
That... says alot.
If anyone has seen my missing mojo let me know.. as I really need it back.
The event sounded great...so why didn't I go...

I need to build new routines, New habits that help.. Not hinder.
Get 'unstuck'.

Everyone else is fine which is great also. I miss Mr K a lot right now, what with the Atlantic an all.. so all in all.. I guess I hadn't realized what grieving was..
I was told that's me.
I've tried to avoid it.. but sometimes I just miss my bro.
That's all.