Wednesday 29 June 2011

Captains log.. stardate 29/6/11

Whilst music will always be an outlet for me.. truth is .. today I feel a bit down.

A few days ago someone told me I don't have a 'culture'. I don't have a language ( so English is clearly not a language in their eyes! I don't have a food.. eh???) and in fact I'm not very Black at all?!?..
Ordinarily I would fight my corner.. but I was tired.

Last week my sons cat was ill so I booked a cab to go to the vet. 5mins into the journey the driver asks.. "where are you from??"
now I've mentioned before that i get asked that a lot so you probably wont be surprised by that, so.. I told him the story. my parents are form the Caribbean I was born here blah blah blah..

No !" he said .. "where are you from?" (He by the way was from Zimbabwe/South Africa)
I repeated my story...but he asked again!! I talked about the African Diaspora but no.. he asked again...until I got so confused I wasn't sure where the hell I was from, or even where i was going for that matter!:-).. oh yeah.. cat=vet.

So why do I feel down??..
Not sure.. I think I'm a bit tired of always having to explain myself, defend my position, have my motives and intent questioned, under scrutiny, under the spotlight, analysed, a subject for much 'pondering'!
Tired of .. as I said earlier, having to fight my corner..
It would be nice to be accepted for who I am and not be judged through skewed and distorted lens..
I'm 42.. it hasn't happened yet

You know some people get to live their entire lives free from all that. All I'm asking for is just -one-day.
I'm such a straightforward person it's unreal.. just a regular girl..with regular desires..but.. life and it's inhabitants make it all sooo complicated at times

*normal service will resume after this moan.. after all .. our experiences help to shape us.. and may serve us well in future endeavours !!'

2 comments:

  1. Awwwww am sorry to hear you feel down Dawna and no you shouldn't have to defend anything. In the case of the cab driver his approach sounded a bit hostile rather than making the conversation more appealing and inviting. No social skills there should he be driving a cab???....exactly there I go just judged him!!!

    I get sick and tired of people misunderstanding me or having pre-concieved notions about me sometimes. I pay no mind to people who simply live in a box and are so tunnel visioned can't see past their blinkers....boi must be something in the water or the air have had the sinking feeling too all week!!!!

    Time for a detox I think!!!

    Best medicine for you Dawna is you let it all out now relaxation time!!!

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  2. Slapped by my own fair hand .. ;-)
    What with the Black British Identity being my 'thing' and all :)
    Yes.. the relaxation has done me the world of good..!thank you! Must try and remember to get the balance right.. work-rest-and-play
    Also learning to just tune people out- whenever the need arises:)
    I'm cool now- thank you ChilledLeo!!

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