Tuesday 30 August 2011

Ex wives & Ex husbands..friend or foe?

I admire anyone who can be friends with their ex husband or ex wife. Although - I do wonder if the amicableness( am I making up words today? ) of the relationship is genuine. Or maybe it's a case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

I don't have any strong ..feelings either way for any of my ex's; I can take 'em or leave 'em. We are friendly though but it's a very respectful friendliness. It never gets really meaningful or anything like that .. no way.. the detachment remains.

When you're with an ex and you're having a laugh or a chat, at some point, are you not reminded of the reason you're not with them? and if the reason is significant enough, would you even want that person as a friend.. could it be a genuine friendship?

I think it can be easy to forget in a relationship that a lover should also be a friend. Take away the physical and do you even like them?
Maybe I have a lot of 'growing' to do in that department I don't know.

Veering slightly to the left (on another note) ..I have noticed that women whose husbands cheated on them with another man, seem to be able to forgive more quickly than if they had cheated with a woman, and I suspect the same applies to men.
maybe it's easier for a friendship to remain in those instances.

Be interesting to know what you think..
How would you feel dating someone who is very good friends with an ex?

From the outside looking in, there is something quite special about Nelson and Winnie's Relationship.

Theirs is a relationship that is really quite remarkable, regardless of the powers that be.


  1. I try to be friendly with all of my ex-wives. Even been in all of their company at the one time at a barbecue once which was a bit unnerving. Lest you're wondering I have two ex-wives only - (it's till a figure that's a wee bit on the high side).

    I say I'm friendly with both - not so sure what they really think though. Maybe that's why I live in Australia now? It's a long way to throw a knife at me.

    I sincerely, genuinely care how they are and how life treats them but it doesn't appear to be reciprocated.

    Not sure about the same sex aspects of breaking up - never really thought about it Dawna.

    A friend of mine lost his wife to another woman - I thought he became really quite bitter about it afterwards - as though it called into question his manliness - he seemed to become misogynistic afterwards as though the all women were responsible for his ills.

    But other than these wee personal anecdotes I've never really given the subject much thought...

    I am now.


  2. lol Rory - when you said 'all'.. I did wonder how many!!:)
    I think it's easier to wish an ex well once you yourself are in a happy loving and stable relationship (perhaps)
    Another thing to throw into the mix is if they still harbour feelings.. of lurve!!:D ( that'll anoy 'em)
    Your friends reaction's an interesting one.. I suspect its tough because you can't even 'square up to a woman' as you would a man in that situation!.. still..when i mentioned it to a friend he found it intriguing!!.. said at least he knew it wasn't anything he done.. saucy git even smiled a bit..
    seriously.. surely it's worse if another man takes your wife.. or another woman takes your husband..even if you yourself had had enough.. you're bound to think at first.. wait a minute.. did i miss something!?!:)

    So many things to consider:)

  3. Rory- I know a woman whose husband turned out to be gay - they ended up the best of friends.. funny thing was.. noone was surprised.. she was really rather butch..
    He came out when it was easier to do so.. most of us were like.. of course!! We then waited for her to do the same.. she never did..

  4. Nice post Dawna....from my personal experience I had no choice but to be friends for the sake of my daughter secondly I decided trying to be enemies was rather causing me more stress than is worth taking on board.

    I take your point re is it really a geniune friendship especially if there has been a significant amount of hurt....I admit there are times when I have that why is he talking or am I talking to him days but such is life you either get on with it or be stuck in a permanent time warp.

    So far so good dust of the gremlins and allow angels into your life instead makes a hug difference to your inner state of mind indeed.

  5. @ChilledLeo yes I agree..
    great to hear you've made it work.. it does I suspect make life easier:)

    I definetly prefer my exes now I don't actually have too lol:0..

    We can have a laugh.. it's all timebound.. and certain topics remain wisely..off limits..
    So yes... it's all good:)

    I wish them all the best, and want them to be happy/find happiness..will always 'love' them in some way..bless em